New Years Blog Resolutions?

17 Dec

I am busy trying to think up new year’s resolutions for the blog, because I think it would be fun to see if I can keep them past 8th January. So far I have come up with:

  • Learn to cook and share the horror stories with you guys to dispel the cookbook-perpetrated myth that you need to skin a unicorn and boil fairy dust to feed yourself.
  • Advertise that I’m open to sponsored blog posts and paid reviews and see what happens.
  • Try to make indifferent ignorance more of a plot point; do regular posts where it has been spotted in the real world. You guys would have to help with this as I don’t get out all that much.
  • Annoy UKIP more by sending them lots of letters using the 1p stamps I purchased yesterday. You guys would also have to be involved because there is only so much a person can do by themselves before they get disillusioned. Especially where UKIP is concerned.

I haven’t got much further than that, although a brief list of short term goals is usually more realistic than lots of big ones, like “TAKE OVER UNIVERSE” or “MAKE DOG CUDDLING AN OLYMPIC SPORT”.

I’m not sure which to go with, if any. Thoughts?

About these ads

Peddling Wares

16 Dec

There’s been a weird influx of Etsy sales this week, which I’m very pleased about – but I’m also scratching my head as to whether my marketing tweaks are paying off or if people suddenly want to buy fan art as Christmas presents. Either way, it’s very gratifying!

I remembered when I was going through my shop that The Little Book of Indifferent Ignorance Volume I is on there! I have no immediate plans to compile Volume II, so if you fancy a good read over the Christmas holidays, I encourage you to head over there and use the SNOWFLAKE14 Christmas discount before it expires on 31st January. Alternatively, send it to friends and family for a good laugh – spot Uncle Victor’s annual racist Christmas rant in the pages, or reminisce about your homophobic grandmother as you click through the pages with your cousins…

Or email it to UKIP.

This afternoon I finished my Christmas shopping, and I don’t even think I’ve bankrupted myself. I mean, I don’t usually – I’m not that generous – but I’d forgotten that it is actually possible to get a bargain if you plan what you want instead of striding around the high street tearing your hair out.

Still, at least I didn’t do my shopping in Brighton. (Maybe if you’re under the age of 13 you shouldn’t watch this. Also it may be faked. I don’t care.)

Reality TV and Smaug Being a Diva

14 Dec

I don’t know about you lot, but I am both nervous and excited for the Strictly Come Dancing results show tonight. Possibly because sparkly dancing and bright lights are the best things ever, and partly because if the final is next week then Christmas is the week after.

Less than two weeks. 

I need to do some more shopping… and maybe get a haircut, and definitely write the Indifferent Ignorance Awards and partially move house and also do some rigorous physical exercise because I went out and ate my weight in food yesterday.

I was so full when I got home that I couldn’t manage my advent chocolate, which is always a sign that I need to bust out some dance moves and the hula hoop. Still, the reason for the food was justified:

I didn’t go out to watch a YouTube video. But I did go see The Battle of Five Armies (“oh my goodness Francesca I can’t believe you made that connection!”) and it was brilliant so I might eschew everything else I have to do before Christmas and just go and read The Lord of the Rings, taking brief breaks to wonder if it’s possible for anyone else to create a fictional world that’s half as beautiful.

Let’s assume not.

Want to Send UKIP a Christmas Gift Without Crapping in an Envelope? Let Me Help You.

9 Dec

Snowflakes, last week I made an important discovery: UKIP has an address to which you can send mail. Unlike their now-defunct Freepost address, it’s a regular address for which you have to purchase a stamp, but they also have an email contact.

As a citizen concerned at the rise of UKIP, I felt it my civic duty to draft a letter informing them that they are by far the biggest source of indifferent ignorance in the news at the moment. Then I thought, why shouldn’t I share these addresses with everyone I can so they too can write a letter or email, or perhaps send a Christmas card or gift? But the more I considered my message, the more worried I became. Was I going to fully convey the seriousness of indifferent ignorance by myself? Would an email be lost in a spam folder or a printed letter be discarded without much thought?

So I’ve decided to share my letter with you, so that if you’re reluctant to spend money on a Christmas card or do not have the time to write a letter of your own, you can print off mine and send it, or copy it into an email. That way, well, there’s a chance that the administration department at least might begin to comprehend the full horror of living with such a dangerous case of indifferent ignorance.

To email UKIP, use mail@ukip.org.To send them a physical letter (or anything you like, really), use:

UKIP,
Lexdrum House,
King Charles Business Park,
Newton Abbot, Devon
TQ12 6UT

To the members of UKIP,

I am writing to you out of moral duty, to inform you that in recent months and years it has become clear that you are suffering from a chronic illness called indifferent ignorance. A largely unrecognised complaint, indifferent ignorance renders its victims almost impossibly narrow-minded and with little desire to research or reconsider their opinions.

Judging by the public conduct of former members such as Godfrey Bloom and David Silvester, your party is a magnet for sufferers of indifferent ignorance – and evidence gathered from observation of tabloid press consumers shows that the illness is contagious. UKIP’s policies were clearly written by people under the influence of severe ignorance; for example your website’s ‘Safeguard Against Crime’ policy “make sentences mean what they say” lacks both eloquence and factual basis, implying the author has not fully considered the policy. The general UKIP attitude that European Union-sanctioned immigrants are ruining traditional British values also displays a magnitude of indifferent ignorance, as most British schoolchildren can tell you that Britain has been populated by foreign nationals since roughly 43 C.E. when Romans forces arrived from Europe. Many schoolchildren can also explain that the last four centuries of technological growth has resulted in such a vast increase of economic, political and cultural globalisation that no political party could achieve ‘Britain for the British’, to paraphrase your ideals, mostly because there is no peaceful way to return to a global state of total isolation. With respect, the most drastic attempt of a state to achieve complete sovereignty in modern times has been North Korea, and even your most fervent supporters are likely to be reluctant to elevate Nigel Farage to a god-like status.

There are simple methods to combat indifferent ignorance, no matter how serious the case. Proven remedies include: cutting the tabloid press from one’s consumerism, questioning one’s long-held beliefs (especially those picked up in one’s youth from one’s elders) and venturing past one’s front door into the 21st century.

I do not write to condemn you to the trappings of indifferent ignorance, but to educate you as to the seriousness of your condition and to the steps that can be taken to combat the epidemic before it becomes a pandemic.

Yours faithfully, ___________

Don’t forget to put the date in the top-left corner if you want to post it – but maybe don’t include a return address if you don’t want to make yourself a target for a purple-and-yellow leaflet. Keep it anonymous if you’d like… whatever happens, if you do in fact message UKIP and especially if you get a response, let me know. I’m in the mood for some Christmas cheer.

Universal Balance and Christmas Cheer

7 Dec

Normally this time of year I’m stressing about one type of end-of-year bullshit (termly tests and homework) and putting off another type of end-of-year bullshit – Christmas presents for eighty million people.

But this year I’m not in school and work doesn’t have termly assessment grades so…

I’ve bought at least half my gifts and I know what the other half are; I just have to buy or wrap or in one case find them.

I’m very pleased!

Or I was until I typed that and realised that I’ve misplaced one present.

Crap I have to get off the sofa and find the one I’ve lost.

It’s nice to have things in the universe keeping me humble.

Freezing Fingers and Good Tidings, Etc.

4 Dec

Today Indifferent Ignorance had a visitor from Guatemala, which is very cool. Speaking of cool, the weather today is awful. Should we still call rain ‘rain’ if it feels like a damp flannel is dripping down your neck.

To counteract the cold, I have a Christmas gift for you guys!

XMAS WISHEZ 2014

I first got the idea for customisable Christmas/Hanukkah/holiday cards in September or October, but publishing them took a while because the first set had terrible colours and I toyed with using a Photoshop border made of holly. I’m glad I stopped myself from including the holly… Ruby pointed out the colours were reminiscent of basic ye olde Interwebz.

Anyway, you can download the postcards yourself here. Actual postcards will be up within a few days! I’m running a discount between now and 31st January; 20% off if you plonk in SNOWFLAKE14 at the checkout.

Happy December y’all!

I’m getting quite in the mood for a celebration or two. Has anyone experienced any seasonal indifferent ignorance? I’m waiting to overhear something about ‘presents that are only for girls’ or ‘this is a Christian country and I want all the atheists to stop buying presents’. Hey, you never know.

Funny Story…

1 Dec

On Tuesday I woke up at eleven, which I never do, cooked breakfast, which I never do, and decided to chill out all day, which I never do. “I’ll write a leisurely blog and maybe go to the library,” I thought, “then catch up on some TV.” I did catch up on some TV, but I also got the worst headache I’ve ever had, so most of the day was spent trying to block out all external stimuli.

Anyway, I’ve gradually regained the ability to look at flickering screens and converse with other humans, so I thought I’d better do a blog and go through everything I meant to post last week, plus some other stuff.

  1. The blog is snowing as of today!!! Wooo it means it’s time to fix my one-eyed cat Christmas jumper and dig out a URL for Every Snowflake’s Different!
  2. I finished my Heroes of Olympus poster set, which I’m incredibly proud of. I made Annabeth’s two entire years ago after reading Mark of Athena, then got inspired by House of Hades to make a set for the Seven plus Nico, Thalia and Reyna. I’m glad I waited for the end of the series to make a lot of them, but I did feel like Sisyphus every time I tried to align a new set of text on Photoshop and come up with a snappy slogan for my favourite fictional snowflakes.
  3. I updated Etsy a lot! The Heroes set is now on there in its full glory as downloads and postcards; there’s a sale of some products whose listings end soon plus The Little Book of Indifferent Ignorance and I’ve ordered samples of new materials to test shinier products.

It’s was a nice week apart from the fact I didn’t go near a cup of coffee for nearly a week in case my skull shattered. Happy December!

We’ve Got to Stop Meeting Like This…

23 Nov

Sunday again. I meant to write yesterday but then I watched Strictly and an old episode of Sherlock and really, those two things can’t be interrupted by intelligent work.

Apparently it’s now just 31 days until Christmas, which apparently I’m supposed to be excited about?

From silent-fun.tumblr.com

From silent-fun.tumblr.com

If I get excited now – and there is a teeny tiny part of me that is – I will have used up my Christmas cheer by 12th December. So I am pulling faces at Christmas songs in shops, scowling at house decorations – it is fucking November what is wrong with you people? – and trying to be Scrooge.

This year I will try to finish A Christmas Carol. Have I technically started it if I’ve only ever read a few pages? Don’t answer that.

The only preparation I’ve done is set aside a pot for gift money. Is it just me or are presents a) harder to choose each year and b) more expensive each year?

I mean, I’ve done the group present thing and the DVDs for everyone thing and the posh coffee because we’re all addicted thing. Recently I saw a calendar my brother might have liked but it was about £15, which would’ve eaten up my budget for most of the people I know and it’s not that interesting. Plus there seems to be more people to buy for every year and I don’t even get out much, so I’m taking stock of my friends and working out who will/won’t be offended by a home-made postcard and it’s getting a bit political.

When I was about eight, my aunt took me Christmas shopping and I think I got a gift for three separate people and our dog for £20. Possibly I am looking through time-tinted spectacles at the past. Or possibly that was pre-recession when a five pound note was likely to get you change.

Christ, I’m old aren’t I?

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 332 other followers

%d bloggers like this: