Meet My New Best Friend

He has yet to have a name, but he has three personalities. 

  

 

 

  I was thinking of Bog Roll Man but that’s a bit derogatory…

The Word is So Screwed Up it Isn’t Even Funny

  Woah. There was me having a bit of a bad day, and I go on Twitter and think, “Why is Frank Iero thanking people for their congratulations? They couldn’t have found a new drummer this quickly. We don’t want a new drummer.” Then I scrolled down and saw that there was a new blog on the MCR site.

  I am so happy right now! This is me sharing feelings, by the way, enjoy it why it lasts. Frank and his wife (I think her name is Jamia) deserve everything they’re getting this year. One kid is a huge deal, but twins? Bloody hell. They are going to shred. It’s like, the next generation of artists and rockstars are getting born these past couple of years, all to artists and rockstars who are awesome enough to deserve it.

  I have nothing to add to this, just congratulations Frankie and Jamia. It is an honour to share your name, Frank. Keep up the new shit god-damn it. If I ever have a band that’s half as epic as MCR, I will have made some brilliant music.

I’m Going to Test Your IQ.

  Today a policeman visited our school and told us that Facebook is a dangerous and fickle thing, so thank God we’ll have to pay for it soon, and who here has Facebook, and that’s most of Year Seven, and that’s illegal, don’t you know.

  As there are so many paedophiliacs out there, I thought I’d advertise myself to them by telling them all about myself!

  • I am a five foot seven willowy blonde with enchanting green eyes that are aways etched with pretty eyeliner. I was born in 1982.
  • I favour lots of jewelery, especially hoopy earrings, and I love floral patterns, Steve McQueen designs. My favourite shoes are my six-inch heels which I bought in London.
  • I excel at sport, I have run for England before now. I also do yoga everyday and can get my legs behind my head.
  • My favourite movie is Bride Wars, I am totally in love with Orlando Bloom and I am going to see JLS in concert this year.

  Have fun, old men with multiple identities, handcuffs in your car and a fetish for schoolkids. I hope you rot in hell.

  In other news, according to the stats on this blog, I have quite a few visitors to this here bloggie. Even if you subscribe and read this in an email, do me a favour and say something witty in the comment box. I’ll willingly meet you outside McDonald’s if you do.

  Tiffy Lindsey Hope Sofie Wrought-Smith VI

This is a Conversation You Won’t Want to Read Unless You Have Visited MCR.com Lately. read from bottom up.

To: Frank

From: Lizzi

Good.
 
I’m getting more and more pissed by the second. I’m seriously disappointed in those guys.
 
I expected them to value our intelligence more.
 
Well, I’ll just carry on imagining you breaking their sexy italian jaws.
 
Mnn….sexy italian jaws…
 
And ripping off their trousers…
 
And breaking their jaws…

 


From:Frank

 

To: Lizzi
Then it is not the apocalypse. We have hope in the gits who saved our lives and taught us to headbang.
 
Whoever replaces Bob is going to have a hard act to follow, that’s all I can think of. Those tossbags.
 
Anyway, go and read my blog in ten minutes’ time. This’ll be on it.

From: Lizzi

To: Frank

I’m sure I love them deep down. 
 
Somewhere.
 
But now all I am feeling is disgust.
 
Ima keep Bob’s face on all of my posters, no matter how tempting it is to scrub them all of, and will do the same as you. Except maybe with that pair of sunglasses that I saw last week….
 


From: Frank

To: Lizzi

I’ma go shove this whole conversation on my blog (which I updated last week by the way :P) and buy a ring to commemorate MCR in town on Saturday.
 
Because being a My Chem fan is like being in a relationship; you gotta trust the arsehole who’s shirt you secretly want to take off, even though they do STUPID and SELF-ABUSIVE and DOWNRIGHT INCOMPREHENSIBLE things like what they just threw at us.
 


From: Lizzi

To: Frank

I am wetting myself. Seriously.
 
I am loving the sexy-italian-jawline-getting-broken-by-Frank’s-fist image.
 
I think we should add in my long-winded conspiracy theory. Followed by ‘but we’re not ones to pass judgement.’ and then the ‘i’ll break your jaws.’ followed by the ‘I am losing faith and I’ve got GCSE’s’ guilt-trip.

 
We are genius.


From: Frank

To: Lizzi

Dear My Chem:
 
I don’t give a crap what goes on in your band. I don’t care if you’ve got flu, or an STD, or if you dyed your hair or if Bandit said her first word.
 
But you owe it to Bob, yourselves and the thousands of people who love you to do more than just drop shit on us out of the blue. Blog more often, if freaking anything. Just TELL US WHY BOB LEFT, HOW GERARD’S VOICE IS, ANY GODDAMN THING ABOUT THE NEW ALBUM. WE DON’T CARE, WE JUST DON’T WANT TO RELY ON KERRANG! FOR NEWS.
 
If you lock us out any more, your sexy Italian jawlines will get broken by my fist. Okay?


From: Lizzi

To: Frank

This is shit.
 
You know what this sounds like?
 
It sounds like you waited until you had finished the album and had no use for Bob until you kicked him out.
It sounds like Gerard’s voice is fine and you were just using it as an excuse not to perform ‘cos you don’t have a drummer.
 
Long-winded conspiracy theory, yes, I know, but I reckon you’re capable of it. I’ve got GCSE modules tomorrow and I’m paranoid and stressed and losing faith.
 
Thanks guys.
 
x