We Only See Each Other at Weddings and Funerals

  Or, in this case, a silver wedding anniversary for my second cousins in Romford that involved no one knowing anyone while knowing everyone because we are clearly all from the same gene pool, judging by the olive skin, dark hair and interesting nose. I definitely saw a Maltese cross around my dad’s cousin Les’s neck.

  I don’t have any photos as the only one with a fraction of all the family in was taken on a fancy Canon camara by someone who wasn’t related. Possibly. Anyway, here are some snapshots of my half term:

  Wednesday, chores for cash:

Thursday: sunshine, ice cream, trampoline:

 

 

 

Thursday night, camping in the tent in our garden:

 

 

 

  Friday: beach with the girls

 

 

 

 

 

From: Ruby     To: Frank

I have such a drain brain, it drains even more than that hole in the oil pipe in the Gulf of Mexico D:

 
And so, as my brain was draining away onto the floor, I happened to look down and see a shiny little puddle (which bore quite a lot of resemblance to mercury, might I add) with you on it, pulling a face that somewhat resembles this:
 
>:U
 
or maybe
 
D:<
 
And I reached down, and with the end of my fountain pen scooped the little shiny puddle up into my hand, before proceeding to reinsert it into my ear.
 
and then,
FLASH
 
The sun went out, and thunderbolts stared raining down on my head and the ground shook beneath my feet, and I was duly frightened.
 
And then an image of God (although, now I think about it, he did bear quite a lot or resemblance to my angry next door neighbour) appeared in front of me and said:
 
‘Oh smite ye, mere earthling, as you stand at my feet trembling, for you have disobeyed the word of FRANK.’
 
And I knelt down at his feet and asked, in trembling tones ‘What have I done’.
 
And God proceeded to say ‘It is what you have not done that has displeased FRANK so mightily’
 
And then I remembered about the bicarbonate of soda, that was sitting innocently in the cupboard behind. I whirled around and grabbed it, before brandishing it at the face of God and crying out ‘Forgive me O God who looks like my angry next door neighbour, for I have truly sinned.’
 
His voice then boomed out ‘This is good. I shall forgive you this time mere earthling, but next time you shall not be so lucky’, and with this he vanished with a puff into the ceramic vase by the TV.
 
By Ruby.
 
  Here is the aforementioned bicarbonate of soda, which Ruby made seventy-three fairy cakes with last week. I am not making that up, nor are the following pictures Photoshopped.
 
 
 
Advertisements

Leave a comment. That way neither of our time will have been wasted.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s