I was going to post something about sandwiches, but Isobel’s MSN-ing me and we’ve thought up stupider topics (well Google has and she’s passed them on). So:
10 Stupid Yet Funny Ways to Propose Marriage
- Over the telephone. What if the line was dodgy and you mis-heard? What if your credit ran out before they answered? What if the call was hacked and broadcast live on the Internet, and they said no?
- Over text. Personally, I’d think they were joking. But then, some of the most serious conversations of my life have been over text. They would have been easier face-to-face though. When you’re in Greece and she’s in England, it’s really hard to read facial expressions.
- By email. They might mistake it for chain mail or spam! They might never get back to you!
- Via MSN. My connection’s always faulty, if it were me I might not even get the message. Person might not be who you think it is, it might be their little brother or wife or someone from Canada.
- One of those aeroplane banner whatsits. Bloody difficult to read when the sun gets in your eyes. I know love is blind, but that’s stretching it a bit… Plus random members of the public might think it was for them. RIOTS could start.
- On the big screen at a sporting event. I think they do this in America a lot. Downside is everyone can see if you say no. If you say yes when you want to say no – but can’t because all of Madison Square Garden is watching, you’ll end up with either a sham marriage or a broken-off-at-the-last-minute engagement, and you’d have to return the dress.
- Live on TV. Hilary’s boyfriend did this on The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, I think. He proposed while on some local show she was watching, while bungee jumping from a plane. He didn’t land very well. In fact, he died.
- In front of his/her entire family. Who have just been bitching about how you’re the rebound relationship from the guy who left her for a trapeze artist.
- In the middle of a gunfight/
the centre of a restaurantokay sorry. In the middle of a gunfight, air raid, terrorist attack, drugs bust, gas explosion, car crash or any other situation where you’re only asking because you think you’re both going to die soon. When you both live you’ll realise you’ve never even seen her before in your life, you mistook her for the girl who lives on the corner of your nan’s street.
- Straight after she says “I’m pregnant.” Let’s face it, the kid would rather grow up in a stable single-parent household than one with two parents who resent one another and their child because the aftermath of that drinking game led to a moment of chivalry and a lifetime of affairs.
While writing this I realised that today is my parents’ seventeenth wedding anniversary. Oddly, I do not know how they got engaged.
I was reading the comments and remembered the most stupid way to propose:
Halfway up a chairlift/ski lift/normal lift, or on a long journey. If the person says no, you are in for one awkward ride.