I Am Productive and Shall Prove It: Part 1

It’s nearly time to return to our separate institutions of hell, in order to gain qualifications that will become irrelevant as soon as a new exam board is introduced, denouncing us all uneducated. However, the Easter holiday (or spring break, as I know some politically correct people like to call it) isn’t over yet. There is still time for me to bore you with a list of ‘top’ things I have encountered over the past fortnight.

Best Headline, courtesy of the Daily Mail

  I can’t actually remember the rest of the headline, and I didn’t read the story since it would contain 0.001% fact, but I’m pretty sure that if Dr. D had killed himself, Steve would have posted it on Twitter.

Most Pain Felt in the Space of Five Minutes

  Me, getting a second ear-piercing. This was the third time I’ve had a needle stuck through my ear lobes, and my palms still sweated. My excuse is my abysmally low pain threshold, but I suspect the slang term is ‘pansy’.

  I swear to you, two weeks ago my ear was this colour.

Most Unfair Easter Present

  Maxim won ten pounds on a lottery ticket my aunt gave him. Easter is supposed to be about Jesus getting killed and then coming back all God-like, not gambling! No surprise my mum started the trend last year, then…

Stupidest Saturday Night Game

  If a My Chem song got in the top three of Kerrang! Rock 100, I got £10. If they didn’t, Maxim did. Black Parade got four and Not Okay two, so we called it quits – but we watched Doctor Who in between songs four and two, when I tried to bet £15 that Not Okay or Na Na would be number one. I must have some good karma hanging around, because Maxim refused.

Best Question Reply: Mikey Way

“I would call us rock and roll. Some people would dispute that, and those people are wrong.”

 Part 2 will be posted just as soon as I’ve worked out how to turn a Twitter conversation the right way up.

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4 thoughts on “I Am Productive and Shall Prove It: Part 1

  1. This made me laugh, it sounds as though you have had rather a good Easter holidays. I especially laughed at the bit about Maxim even though I had already heard as I was at the Tidbury’s when Joanne received the text, adressed to ‘fairy godmother’, we all laughed and discussed how Maxim doesn’t lend or spend money, then Isobel pointed out that he lent me money last time at the garden show, we decided this was the only time. Ever.

    I am hoping Dr Death hasn’t commited suicide, that would be a shame.

    Oh and you have just reminded me that I wanted to get my second piercing done sometime. Purely because I am very bad at making decisions and it would mean not having to choose which pair of earrings to wear. Is that a bad reason? Probably, but oh well.

    Like

    1. I got mine done so my fish hook earrings would look cool.

      So, yeah.

      Maxim is the world’s safest bank. He will take your money, guard it with his life and never give it back.

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  2. that sounds about right. and he will probably demand interest. You know, for every week i keep your money safe, you have to give me a fiver. Beause thats’s the sort of thing he would do.
    I would probably do it if i found someone gullible enough.
    and sorry about the ticket thing. at least you got one. i didn’t. but then my easter pressie from m & d was Tighter and £11. which i spent, on a bikini.
    Goodbye, happy easter. x 🙂

    Like

    1. I think I’d take Tighter over watching Maxim make an extrordinary amount of money (we got some from various relatives, he must have made £30 over the weekend).

      You too 🙂

      Like

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