I have graced the hallways of my school for seven entire years, roughly the equivalent of the time it takes to get to the front of a queue in the post office. Typically students bring in notebooks into which other students write farewell messages of good luck and sappy happiness. I forgot to get a notebook so I’m writing this instead, which is way more impressive because it’s in the public domain forever.
So, what was happening seven years ago?
- Gordon Brown was prime minister and students could attend university without first selling their organs
- Jimmy Saville was an okay dude
- North Africa was full of peaceful, dictatorial regimes
- Benedict Cumberbatch could go out in public
- People used MySpace
- Leonardo DiCaprio was waiting to win an Oscar
Well, I never said the world had changed beyond all recognition.
But still. Seven years. Part of me thinks about leaving school and is like this:
Part of me feels like this:
Since I’m a writer, blah blah blah, I thought I’d write a poem about my time in school.
- A is for ageing, which we have all done
- B is for bonkers, which we have all become
- C stands for lots of coffee… enough said!
- D is Sunday night and that sudden feeling of dread
- E stands for examinations, which make us want to cry
- F are the fuckin’ idiots we’ve all had to put up with in class at least once who make us want to die
- G is General Studies, ironically my best subject
- H stands for homework, which you shouldn’t try in public
- “I is not in ‘team’!” which we learnt in PE
- J are the in-jokes that make strangers want to flee
- K finishes ‘okay’ which some days you are not
- L is in ‘lower school’ when you thought sixth formers were hot
- M is Monday assemblies, the only thing the entire year thinks is shit
- N are the notices which make the assemblies such a hit
- O is organisation which… wait, I’ve lost my notes
- P is for school pond, where there really should be boats
- Q is in ‘quiet’ which the quiet study room never has been
- R is in ‘year seven’ when we were really keen
- S starts off ‘sleep’ which we very rarely do
- T are the teachers who are actually humans too
- U are the uniform rules that have haunted us for years
- V is the vast amount of bullshit we’ve sometimes put up with from peers
- W is for websites used to hastily gather information
- X is in the phrase “surely that doesn’t need another explanation?”
- Y is for “WHY ME, GOD?” a frequently-asked school-based question
- Z is for zoo, the place to which we might actually return with begrudging joy when it’s time for a reunion.
And by zoo I mean secondary school. Please never accuse me of lacking in appreciation for the poetic arts, ladies and gentlemen. It rhymed.
Anyway, happy end-of-school! (Unless it isn’t the end of school for you, in which case happy Thursday.)