The Ten O’Clock News: In Which Smithy Fixes FIFA

I’m not sure how much longer the football world cup is on for so I’d better chat about it while it’s in the news. To start off, I’m with Gerard when it comes to giving a shit:

Printscreened from the Twitter.
Printscreened from the Twitter.

Seriously though, when did football become the biggest sport in Europe? Why has a bloke biting another bloke (which is gross, by the way), garnered such attention? Hopefully because it’s gross, but it’s hard to tell since a lot of big footballers get paid roughly the GDP of some small countries. (I may have invented that statistic. Shut up, I’m on holiday. Sort of.) Actually I’ve been taking a break from news stuff recently because all those actual statistics were bumming me out. Next week I’ll hopefully have regained some sense of typing but in the mean time I think it’s important that we all remember who should be in charge of the England team and probably the 2020 games.

When I was looking for that I found this and it’s flipping brilliant.

Is This an Audioblog I See Before Me? Yes.

Thought it would be interesting to dip a toe into the world of audioblogging, so here is my first ever attempt… To ensure visual satisfaction I have included little additions for you to look out for at X number of minutes.

1.18

“crshchrshcrsh” means “downloaded”. I think I moved.

2.20

“COUGH for example COUGH I went clubbing with my friends” Actually that might have been more movement. This is why it takes eight years to put a post together.

4.43

From http://s1.hubimg.com/
From http://s1.hubimg.com/

They were more appealing in the dark. Also Chloe made me have one.

4.48 

From http://img4.wikia.nocookie.net/
The ‘Pacific Rim’ Jaegers looking cute. From http://img4.wikia.nocookie.net/

Turns out they are pronounced the same way… do you think the Pacific Rim people had the drink in mind in the design room?

7.15

From lisce.tumblr.com
From http://lisce.tumblr.com

8.03

Really?

8.07

Heeey it is! Right, done. Thank you for listening – unless you didn’t in which case why are you here? – and let me know if the quality is okay and all that!

The Six O’Clock News: Some Old Commentary on New News

I’m not sure whether it’s heyfever, a cold, exhaustion or sheer utter relief that I’m not in school any more (or maybe all four) but my eyes hurt and I can’t really remember how to type so I decided that instead of the News we should share bullshit news stories that are almost too weird to believe.

Unfortunately after two years of minimal commenting I am aware that maybe two people will respond so here is a video with unlikely pertinence to the ISIS shit that’s currently going down which is actually too depressing for me to write about before my eyeballs fall out. So Tim can say some stuff!

If I remember correctly he follows up that sketch with the Pope Song… can’t remember if that has any baring on current events so I’m going to see the dogs and maybe complain about football.

I mean really, it’s a ball game. Even I know that you’re supposed to score goals and stuff…

NEET Life Approaches…and it sure as hell ain’t Parklife so read this shit to validate my existence!

I am very very close to not having any more exams ever, which I’m not actually sure how to process. So instead I’m researching the viability of artsy jobs, which is interesting. Here is what I’ve learnt:

  • Most people don’t make a living out of their art
  • Those who do are either sell-outs or so popular that they can charge a lot for what they do
  • You got to be smart and find a gap in the market that coincides with your skills, which approximately 1 in 500,0000,000 people achieve
  • I want “she’s the prettiest girl at the party and she can prove it with a solid right hook.” either written on my tombstone, tattooed or incorporated in some way into the art I eventually make. I also wish I’d thought to make my illnesses into a record.

Anyway it’s got me thinking… what could I make, art-wise, that has relevance to the things I already do? These are my ideas and I would appreciate feedback because I’m less than two days away from being an UNEMPLOYED TEEN (imagine a member of the Tory party said that):

  • Fun t-shirts and merchandise for Indifferent Ignorance. Slogans could include “Read the fucking news”, “Dogs are very cool”, “wheat is the devil”. I could learn to silkscreen or use a manufacturer and start up a Storenvy site, which is basically a place where  normal people (and Frank, as it happens) can set up online stores.
  •  Little how-to books on things like online ranting, repetitive strain injury and being nice to fangirls. Again I think these may require outside manufacture as staplers only go so far.
  • A mixture of the above.

So, I need your help if I’m going to be one of those in-work citizens George Osborne’s always banging on about! Don’t leave me out in the cold just to spite the coalition! Plus, if I do cool things then I blog about cool things, so ultimately helping me helps you, and that’s the best type of feeling!

The Six O’Clock News: Fun Facts Proving the World’s Fucked Up!

I feel it would be deeply ironic if I missed the News because of my last ever Politics exam so here is a fun video of GWay at the K! Awards Electric Century’s song anything MCR-related damnit I’m back in an ‘MCR phase’. I may have never left an ‘MCR phase’. Also I can’t think of any videos that are appropriate so here are some fun stats that hopefully I’ll have regurgitated into an essay or four by the time this goes out:

  • The UK spends 0.7% of its GDP on international aid, which was over £11 billion in 2013… in 2012 someone effed up and gave £87 million to Somalia, estimated to be the world’s most corrupt state (£200 million went to Afghanistan, the third-most corrupt state). By ‘someone effed up’ I mean that loads of people are corrupt for a variety of shitty reasons
  • In 2002 the African Union estimated that $150 billion international aid is lost to corruption every year
  • Half of Africa’s population live on less than $1 per day
  • Living on under $1.25 per day means you’re in absolute poverty – about 20% of the world’s population is – but relative poverty means that even people in the UK or the States are ‘poor’… interestingly, 40% America’s wealth goes to 1% its population. If you’re reading this, Mr Obama, sort that shit out, yeah?
  • The UN accidentally gave Haiti cholera when it was giving aid there after the earthquake because some Nepalese troops had picked it up. Oopsie. Still, the UN tried to help which is good because often genocides happen when it doesn’t (hi Rwanda!)
  • Around 50,000 rapes occurred in the Bosnian War of 1992-5 and there’s been less than 70 convictions. Nope, that’s not a typo
  • The DRC has had $17 billion of odious debt (which is debt left over from a dictator borrowing cash) written off, which was nice as the dictator man, President Mobutu, is believed to have nicked at least $5 billion of it to build himself a palace in the middle of the jungle. These days it looks like a carpark.

It’s a good thing I know how to control angry swearing and sarcasm… please remind me that bad news looks better in pink.

The Ten O’Clock News: Celebrating D Day (and by D Day I don’t mean the one where they stormed a beach)

If I’m being totally honest, I’m at a point in my life where the first thing I think of when someone mentions World War II – specifically D Day – is this gem of a music video. Then I think of Saving Private Ryan and then I think of my grandmother, who remembers seeing troops come back. Yeah okay let’s not discuss my priorities… the thing is, I know my priorities are a lot better than the Internet’s. Tumblr is celebrating National Donut Day and apart from on actual news websites, I’ve seen relatively little coverage  (of D Day in 1944, not Donut Day in mildly obese 2014).

Given that only a few countries were involved directly in D Day, it’s understandable that social media isn’t making a huge flap – especially since it’s commemorative of a time when loads of people were getting bombed or shot, and when most of Europe was a totally shit place to live. But – and this could be Politics revision stress showing itself – I kind of feel like it’s being ignored a bit by the public as a whole. If you think about it, every anniversary of 9/11 gets splashed across every news outlet available. When Osama bin Laden was killed, logging onto Twitter was like seeing the American flag dance. I’m not begrudging the American people their right to celebrate or commemorate events as they see fit (although celebrating with fireworks the death of one dude who was one part of an organisation which almost definitely isn’t as big as the US government made out does seem from a reasonably neutral standpoint to be slightly disproportionate given by that time the impact of the War on Terror on middle eastern states). I’m actually pretty jealous of Veteran’s Day, which let’s face it all countries should have, and hey, Doggles.

From kyousaya.tumblr.com
If all armies don’t actually use these then GET ON IT PEOPLE. From kyousaya.tumblr.com

But how often do we hear about the German casualties of the Blitz? Or the non-Western families torn apart by the War on Terror? Fun revision fact: between 80 and 90% of terrorism victims in 2012 were from Iraq, Afghanistan and Pakistan. As part of learning about humanitarian intervention in Politics we looked how 1971 Pakistan was called West Pakistan and East Pakistan – all the way across India but the same state – wanted independence to be Bangladesh. The East Pakistani government sponsored a genocide which killed between one and three million people in West Pakistan over a little less than a year. This is why a lot of Bangladeshi people moved to the UK around then. As someone with amazingly racist family members, it’s quite useful to know that those people weren’t benefit scrounging immigrants. But the thing is, would so many people be racist if they knew about the genocide? Quite a few probably would and we must console ourselves by hoping that they one day owe their lives to non-British-born doctors, or failing that fall in a puddle of mud somewhere public… I digress from D Day.

My point is, the bittersweet fuzzy feeling I get when I read stories about this guy should occur way more often because I should be seeing way more stories about people who fought for their freedom, and the freedom of others, to celebrate National fucking Donut Day, as started by – I presume, since every other nation knows biscuits are better – the good people of the USA.

It’s Time to Out-Sparkle Eurovision, Folks!

Happy Rainy Wednesday snowflakes. Is it Wednesday? Can’t tell, but I have two hoodies on the go and Mum and I got new wellies for walking the dogs. Happy June!

Anyway I am mostly writing this to point out the very cute little icons now on the sidebar. I found them for free at this website, made by a lady named Carrie. I decided on pink because I’ve recently needed something sugary sweet that isn’t ice cream (although I usually also go with ice cream). Thing is, the icons clash with the milestone things I have, and I can’t change the milestone colours. Carrie offers forty-one different colours so could you guys please help me choose? Something vibrant but not eye-breaking. Ta.

Eurovision's Brightest littleballofgay.tumblr.com
Eurovision 2014’s brightest and most obnoxious entrant. Sorry Conchita. From littleballofgay.tumblr.com

 

Right next question: is anyone going to watch the World Cup? Is anyone even mildly interested in the sport of football? Let’s set the ‘overpaid and under-worked serial adulterers’ parameters now…