Long time no speak. It’s actually been about a week, but it feels longer because I’ve been busy, so I’m going to let myself think that it’s been a long time to make myself feel better about prioritising.
To be honest, I haven’t felt much like talking. I’ve been making a conscious effort recently to write blogs that have a beginning, middle and end – as opposed to me cackling over nothing and a badly formatted GIF – and so far I have two or three drafts that need editing before they can dazzle you all with wit and insight. A* to Francesca for planning ahead! I do like to come here and cackle over nothing occasionally though, so I’m aiming for a balance between Organised and Obsessed With Spreadsheets. (In a parallel world there’s a me obsessed with spreadsheets. In this world I’m trying to pretend I’m fun.) But this week I’ve felt more gloomy than fun and no one likes 500 words of grumpiness so I thought ‘leave the blog alone’. I do want to be honest here though, so I thought I’d ask: how often do take stock of your life and question it? I’ve cleared out some clothes and books in the last few weeks, and sorting through things I’ve owned for 10-plus years invariably got me thinking about the past and life goals and ambitions, etc. I hate thinking about that stuff, because usually I’m quite happy plodding along in a hopefully forward direction, and once I start thinking about where I want to be in the future I question every decision I’ve made since 2005. Did I make the right choice not to go to university? Did I pick the right job to do instead? Am I creatively fulfilled seven days a week? Can I afford to put petrol in my car? How willing am I to swap creative fulfilment for fuel? I know the answer to one of those things.
I will probably have a bath, watch Sport Relief and/or get some sleep and wake up feeling normal again (or until I clear out the next lot of crap I’ve been hoarding since I was 12). In the mean time, let me know what you do when you’re plagued by indecision or questioning your existence. In an ideal world I would probably go on holiday to Machu Picchu or somewhere and spend hours meditating in the sunset, but you know, shit’s got to get done so I’m open to suggestions that will fit in around emails and craft fair plans. Chocolate consumption ideal but not compulsory.