The Tale of Three Errands

Afternoon! Today I had probably my most advanced day of adulthood so far, to the point where I feel like it actually deserves to be spoken about even though, in true adult fashion, it was boring as hell.

First of all, I drove to Halfords because I needed – wait for it – windscreen wipers and car wash soap! I don’t think the outside of the Mini has been washed since I bought it, basically because I have previously been too nervous a driver to take a trip to Halfords – a full 15 minutes away from my home – by myself and I am too cheap to go down the car wash. But I was heading that way, so I took the initiative. I also bought a giant cartoon sponge, a large bucket and one of those windscreen chip repair kits because those Autoglass chip repair ads, ironically, inspire me to smash something. I’ll use your service when your radio commercial doesn’t make me want to crash my car into the nearest lamp post, mates.

Then I took a detour off London Road, which if you are not from Southend is the longest, most traffic light-populated two lanes to exist in the town. It goes on for bloody miles and there are 8,000 shops and showrooms and Places of Interest that I can only vaguely keep track of when I’m not navigating the traffic lights. Halfords is down there. So was everything else I needed to do today. Anyway, the detour. Francesca’s Words is doing the Youth Market at Leigh Community Centre in July and I had to drop off a deposit. I should add here that unless I’m going to work I have my satnav in the car, even if I kind of know where I’m going, because it calms me down. This morning in a fit of idiocy I wiped the British map from its system and had to get the app on my phone instead, which is way less acceptable to glance at when you’re navigating the one way system in Leigh. I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW COMPLICATED IT WAS TO TAKE THE DETOUR. I looked at a map yesterday and thought ‘I barely need a satnav, it’s a four second detour!’ Nope. I arrived shaking. Leigh was built about a century before they invented the automobile. But my deposit got paid, so I got back on London Road and headed on to my most adult appointment of the day…

… a contact lens check. My eyes are fine, thanks for asking. I nearly didn’t get there though because I got stuck in another one way system. The satnav app yelled at me four a full five minutes, which was bullshit because I actually already knew where I was going so I ignored the instructions, but then it turned out I didn’t actually know how to get to the car park I was aiming for so I ended up in a supermarket car park with about 500 elderly people. Did some shopping. Almost lost the Mini on the way back. It was hidden behind some sort of people carrier. I will never voluntarily shop anywhere with more than six aisles.

Thelma and Louise car driving off cliff gif

But it gets more adult, dear reader, because while I was in Halfords my phone rang and it was a work thing and I consciously thought, ‘I wish they weren’t playing Kaiser Chiefs so loudly, it’s rather a distraction.’

Just buy me carpet slippers and an electric blanket for my birthday, cheers.

Coincidentally, later on I’m going to rediscover my twenties by going down the pub with my friends on a work night. I’ll probably order a tonic with extra tonic.

Advertisements

Guess who ate an entire giant Cadbury bar in one sitting today?

YES CORRECT ME. I’m quite good at not eating while I work unless I’m editing, in which case I am basically a food bin. On the plus side, I finished the latest draft of a chunk of dragonnovel and finally got around to naming a couple of characters, so I think on balance everything works out. Except my IBS, ha.

Who else has been sitting out in the garden pretending to be a lady of leisure? If it’s gone 4pm and the sun’s out, I may as well change my email auto-reply to ‘I did get your message but I’ve got better things to do than respond. I mean, it might snow tomorrow.’

The Mini is still getting surgery, and I am tootling around in a Ford Focus if I can’t absolutely walk somewhere. I think when the Mini gets back we’re going to have to have a serious talk about what we expect from one another. In the last six months I have procured a battery, three lights and a set of jump leads, and that’s before the bill comes in for the latest round of fixes. I am starting to wonder if I should have bought something more reliable, like a tank.

I did have something more substantial to write about, but all the sun and chocolate has melted my brain so I’m going to go and do some star jumps or something. Is April too early to start drinking iced coffee?

Cars, Kat Slater’s Cleaning & Pyjamas

Evening. I am sitting to write this at 9:11pm, in my pyjamas. I’ve been meaning to sit down to post for a couple of days, but I’ve accidentally had the most stressful week of 2018 so far and got sidetracked. The Mini went in for surgery yesterday for something called a faulty ABS pump, and I have been given a Ford Focus in the mean time. I have a feeling that Ford Focuses are my automotive equivalent of a beige sofa.

Because I had cars on my mind, after I took the Mini in I rang my insurance company to see if I could get a better price for my insurance (the ABS fix and accompanying minor fixes are going to eat all my savings, so every little helps and all that). They couldn’t do me a deal, but mid-conversation it transpired that there’s been a minor – okay, major – administrative error on my documents for months that might, technically, have invalidated the entire policy. Oops. When I asked about updating it, I got quoted an extra hundred quid a month on my bill and suffered a minor heart attack. Anyway, a friendzied half an hour on Go Compare later, I had a brand new policy with the correct details that was cheaper than the one I had to start with so I suppose that’s all right then, innit. The English bureaucrat in me spent all day tempted to write a letter to my old insurers about their shitty admin (I have been on the phone to them FOUR TIMES in the last year, and they’ve asked the same questions all four times). The shitty millennial in me wanted to transcribe the entire drama into a Facebook post and set up a GoFundMe to recover my savings.

In the end I ate ice cream and had a bath.

I’m not sure why I’m telling you all this, because car insurance is not a sexy subject and I’m mortified that I didn’t pick up on the admin fuck up myself. I was reading a friend from school’s blog post about self esteem in blogging recently (Eva is a fashion blogger. I went to school with a fashion blogger! We were in the same Religious Studies class, ha) and although I am clearly not in fashion, it got me thinking about the ‘type’ of blogger I am. I’ve spent the last four or five years trying to monetise this site, with rules about writing proper topics at my proper desk in my proper clothes, but here I am at 9:30pm in my pyjamas. I’m in front of the telly watching Kat Slater start a cleaning business. So I reckon that, despite all attempts to become an authority blogger or a hobby blogger or a purple hair-enthusiast blogger, Indifferent Ignorance has always been a journal. So here I am, telling all six of you about car insurance.

OH MY TWENTIES ARE EXCITING.