Category: December 2010

2010 Things I Did in 2010 (okay maybe not)

  According to my calendar, there’s four days of 2010 left. Since it’s highly doubtful anything life-changing will take place before midnight on the 31st, I thought I’d jump on the ‘my year’ bandwagon before everyone jumps off.

  Or it’s 2011. Whichever comes first. Here it is:

  • January After three months of procrastinating, I start work on my Duke of Edinburgh award. School hands us an Ethnicity Form, which doesn’t say ‘white British’ but does say ‘white Cornish’. Ruby still has not handed her in  out of protest. I start listening to Morningwood and it snows.

 

  • February Gerard Way contracts throat cancer, I reboot my laptop by myself and realise that there’s GCSE modules coming up. I duly crap myself.  Okay, Gerard didn’t actually get throat cancer. He got a cough. 
  •  March Bob leaves My Chem, I get upset and punch a tree. Everyone hands in their options forms. I accidentally eat some of Tobi’s regurgitated leek pasta and almost puke in the school pond. A bunch of us at karate pass grading and Ellen, Isobel Jemma and I get shiny new red belts. It’s still snowing.
  •  April I start reading Watchmen, go to Belgium with my friends and somehow end up with M&Ms down my top. By the way, they stain skin.

    

  • May Duke of Edinburgh expedition. I finish Ella’s Blog: Summer Vacation with the Flock after more than a year. Coalition government promises to make Britain the country everyone voted for. Even though no one voted. Isobel and I walk the Race for Life in our socks while everyone else runs in, er, actual outdoor footwear.

  • June I finish reading Watchmen,  camp in the garden with my cousins (until Maxim’s incessant 11:00pm talking pisses me off and I go inside to bed) and hit the beach with the girls. I also manage to single-handedly lose a beach ball five minutes after we bought it, on roughly the same stretch of beach, but with some entirely different girls.

 

  • July The first ever Indifferent Ignorance production hits YouTube, I head to Greece on International MCR Day and resolve to never use a Greek computer again as long as I live. This resolution is broken in October.
  • August I attend my first ever funeral (RIP Pa) and start knitting a scarf. I move my bed to vacuum under it. The bed breaks.
  • September Geography field trip to Scarborough, Art is the Weapon gets released and this blog reaches 2000 hits. This means I have to redecorate. I finish Duke of Edinburgh award.

                       

                                           

  • October MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE SHOW!!! Probably my favourite day of the year. Shortly after it finishes I go to the airport for Greece wearing a t-shirt that reads ‘Mindless Self Indulgence’ on the front and ‘I ♥ Steve, Righ?’ on the back.

  Oh, the irony.

  • November MCR release Danger Days (are they rushing it?) and there’s another grading in karate. I learn to never doubt Sensei’s judgment again when I get an A – after asking if I had to grade because I wasn’t good enough. It snows.
  • December Blog gets 3000 hits (I AM NOT CHANGING THE THEME AGAIN) and I wrap my family’s Christmas presents in The Daily Telegraph.  I see Pendulum live, get a medal in karate for – quote – “Plodding on,” and finish my scarf. The final of The Apprentice airs and Maxim becomes a vegetarian, possibly for a bet.

  Happy new year.

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English Person: “Merry Christmas!” American: “Don’t you mean ‘happy holidays’?” English Person: “Er, no.”

  I’m pretty into Christmas. I’m not a Christian the other 364 days a year, so I’m not going to pretend it’s all about Baby Jesus – my favourite part is the lights.

  You know, it’s dark by four o’clock and the ten minutes of sun we do get are when we’re in class (or it’s cloudy). But, instead of fumbling my way home with only the faint glow of street lamps to guide me, there’s lots of flashing Father Christmases and nodding raindeer to illuminate paths. Plus everyone is in a better mood and there are lots of specials on TV, like Top Gear and Doctor Who.

My favourite ever Christmas song, which I first heard in June but got me festive anyway:

My second favourite song, which I heard in Maths on Friday:

  A drawing that gets us all into the spirit of things:

  Last, but not least, SHSG’s resident Santa, Tobi!

  Oh, and before I go: if Gerard DID buy that hamster, drop me a line. I wonder every time I watch Life on the Murder Scene. Who keeps a pet on a bus, did Frank sit on it, was it called Bert…?

Frank’s Immigration Test (a way to keep out the riff-raff)

  We did this in Maths today, my last lesson of 2010. I’m putting it on here with correct answers so you can do better than 13/22, which is what my friend and I got. My theory is that if we gave it to every adult looking to immigrate to England, and they scored less than 12, they should be politely told to go home. That way, more people living in the UK would be intelligent.

The Intelligence Test

  1.  Write your name in the box provided. Your name.
  2. How many animals of each type did Moses take into the Ark? None.
  3. Some months have 31 days, some have 30 days. How many have 28 days? Twelve.
  4. Divide 30 by ½ and add 10. What is the answer? 70.
  5. Which country has a 4th July? USA, UK or France? All of them do.
  6. If you were in a deserted house at night, and there was an oil lamp, firewood and a candle, but you only had one match, which would you light first? The match.
  7. Why can’t a man in York be buried in the Isle of Man? He’s not dead yet.
  8. If you had two coins totaling 11p, and one of them was not a 10p coin, what would the coins be? 1p, 10p.
  9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 die. How many sheep does the farmer have left? Nine.
  10. How much soil is there, to the nearest cubic mm, in a 2x5x4.5mm hole? 0mm.
  11. If 2 monkeys sit in one corner of a square and look at another pair in another corner, and so on, until every pair in every corner looks at another pair, how many monkeys would say that they can see 6 other monkeys? None.
  12. How many times can you subtract 5 from 25? Once.
  13. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the tallest mountain in the world? Mount Everest.
  14. What’s more powerful than God, the rich don’t want it, the poor have a lot of it and if you eat it, you will die? Nothing.
  15. Johnny’s mother had three children. The first child was named April, the second child named May. What was the third child’s name? Johnny.
  16. What word in the English language is always spelled incorrectly? Incorrectly.
  17. A man is driving a car without the lights on, the street lamps are off and there is no moon. A black cat runs out in front of him. How can he see to brake and avoid it? It’s daytime.
  18. It takes 3 minutes to boil 1 egg. How long does it take to boil 3 eggs? Three minutes.
  19. Is it legal for a man to marry his widow’s sister? He’s dead.
  20. A man rides into town on Sunday. Three days later, he leaves on Sunday. How? Sunday is a horse.
  21. Take 2 apples from 3 apples. What do you have? Three apples.
  22. If you hop out of your flop, to drop by the shop for a mop, and to top it off, your pop is a cop, what should you do if you come to a green light? Keep going.

  A question for bonus points, which I would like you to comment with and answer: if you are no longer in a relationship with somebody, are you broken up even if you weren’t dating them? This isn’t a trick, I need to know so Ruby can stop telling me she won our fight earlier.

  Also can we give this to adults already living in the UK? If they score less than 12, they can work in McDonald’s while they get twelve GCSEs (or an apprenticeship), which I believe is what the government want us to leave school with.

  

Why Twit/Twat/Tweet When You Can Blog?

  Sitting next to a perpetually hyperactive teenager (Elizabeth)  is amusing. But it does give me motion sickness after a while.  I would put that on Twitter since it’s probably less than 140 characters or whatever, but thinking of Twitter reminded me of advent…

  See the sidebar? See the Twitter bit? And the TwitPic links? Click on them. It’s advent themed. Each picture is a door, with a snippet of a bigger drawing by Ruby. There will be 23 doors – one each day – and on Christmas Eve I’ll put the whole picture on there.

  Which is pretty and Christmassy.

  Dear God, it is difficult to write when a five foot eight, eleven stone person is debating the merits of Chinese food with your dad, next to you.

  Sorry. Ten stone and three-quarters.