Good evening.

  I am very sorry, but I don’t have any wonderful photographic evidence of my wearing a nice dress and fake Jimmy Choos because the photos from my camara aren’t brilliant and I’ve been a bit rushed lately.

  Thought I’d ramble for a while anyway, as I know how you all love my views on mad gunmen getting Facebook tributes (for the record, what is up with northerners getting trigger-happy recently? Is it something they put in the water?). I have been watching bootlegged episodes of Torchwood on YouTube, which is like Doctor Who but without the TARDIS and with more graphic alien killings and sex. Every time I watch it I come over all Welsh. I start liking long military coats.

  The bottoms of my feet are covered in blisters because me and Pugsley went down town yesterday, and my most comfortable pair of flip-flops fell apart as I walked. So today I was thankful for Converse All Star and socks. Also for non-uniform day since my house at school won the cup. Too bad the team colour’s officially white, but was made pink. Thanks, Aphrodite.

  While I’m thinking about houses, I would like to mention a very special person who tipped sherbet in my hair at the school fête this afternoon. They laughed at the hairdressers. I would also like to let her know that I have ordered her a custom-made tea set from eBay, engraved with words that I think I shall leave to her imagination. Here is a what she can expect: