Tuesday is the New Monday

I think I say this every year, but I really have no idea how to cope with the four day week thing straight after Easter. Is it Monday? Is it Tuesday? Is it time to eat chocolate? Tough questions when you’ve spent the last week binge watching Luther and hiding behind cushions whenever something creepy happens (ten times an episode).

But it’s back to work now, innit, because we’ve just started a new tax year and I am full of the joys of work. I’ve been spring cleaning the shop and there will be new shiny products there soon, which I will definitely not stop talking about. I’m considering having a contest or giveaway when new things go up; watch this space (or Instagram, as the case may be). I’ve also got to get another article for The Beard Mag done. So far I’ve covered the bog standard topics faced by every writer who’s charged to write about beards but does not have a beard: Conchita, a brief history of facial hair, alternatives to shaving foam, the media’s pressure on everyone to look a certain way… Gotta start thinking outside the proverbial box. My friends suggested an article on beard topiary, which is apparently a thing.

Beard Topiary

Hmm.

The Six O’Clock News: Easter-Themed Post #2

I’m aware that the news hasn’t been brilliantly analytical lately and hopefully this will be remedied when school’s over and I have less on my plate. In the mean time:

The BBC’s got this new interactive-education-scroll-y thing called iWonder, and this one explains the history of passion plays, which range from thanks to God for having not got the Plague to everybody’s favourite musical (I’m wearing my JCS top and cross earrings today. Part of me wants to start a fashion blog based around dressing for holidays or in the spirit of fictional characters). Fun fact: John the Evangelist wrote that Jesus died on Passover because he saw Jesus as the passover lamb for all people/believers. Cool huh? Plus the town of Oberammergau, which apparently puts on a passion play a bit like how the Scots put on New Year, has NATO School.

A school. Which teaches all things NATO. Turns out uni isn’t the only option!

The iWonder thinggy also has a piece explaining why Easter is never on the same day… basically if Church officials can argue over something then they will.

I just realised that there will always be a Six O’Clock News on Good Friday. Bugger, I’ll have to find actual Easter-related news next year. Ukraine’s not got a lot in common with the holiday and neither do east Asian vehicle disasters. Other than the weather – it’ll rain, surprise! – and TV – there will be programmes, surprise! – there aren’t many Easter-specific bulletins. Which I guess is kind of a relief given that the festival is two thousand years old?

Here is my favourite Easter art:

'Christ on the Cross' by Diego Velazquez, found integratedcatholiclife.org
‘Christ on the Cross’ by Diego Velazquez, found integratedcatholiclife.org. I always get Velaquez confused with Jhohen Vasquez, who makes MSI videos. That could be why last year’s RS results weren’t great.

Here is my second-favourite piece, which was painted for a monastery hospital. Jesus has the same illness as the one the hospital treated, ergotism, to make the patients feel better:

The Isenheim Altarpiece by Matthias Grunewald, found
The Isenheim Altarpiece by Matthias Grunewald, found venetianred.wordpress.com. Can’t remember who the dude with the book is supposed to be but he cracks me up. Is he doing a Beyoncé dance?

Happy Easter!

I Am Productive and Shall Prove It: Part 1

It’s nearly time to return to our separate institutions of hell, in order to gain qualifications that will become irrelevant as soon as a new exam board is introduced, denouncing us all uneducated. However, the Easter holiday (or spring break, as I know some politically correct people like to call it) isn’t over yet. There is still time for me to bore you with a list of ‘top’ things I have encountered over the past fortnight.

Best Headline, courtesy of the Daily Mail

  I can’t actually remember the rest of the headline, and I didn’t read the story since it would contain 0.001% fact, but I’m pretty sure that if Dr. D had killed himself, Steve would have posted it on Twitter.

Most Pain Felt in the Space of Five Minutes

  Me, getting a second ear-piercing. This was the third time I’ve had a needle stuck through my ear lobes, and my palms still sweated. My excuse is my abysmally low pain threshold, but I suspect the slang term is ‘pansy’.

  I swear to you, two weeks ago my ear was this colour.

Most Unfair Easter Present

  Maxim won ten pounds on a lottery ticket my aunt gave him. Easter is supposed to be about Jesus getting killed and then coming back all God-like, not gambling! No surprise my mum started the trend last year, then…

Stupidest Saturday Night Game

  If a My Chem song got in the top three of Kerrang! Rock 100, I got £10. If they didn’t, Maxim did. Black Parade got four and Not Okay two, so we called it quits – but we watched Doctor Who in between songs four and two, when I tried to bet £15 that Not Okay or Na Na would be number one. I must have some good karma hanging around, because Maxim refused.

Best Question Reply: Mikey Way

“I would call us rock and roll. Some people would dispute that, and those people are wrong.”

 Part 2 will be posted just as soon as I’ve worked out how to turn a Twitter conversation the right way up.