Once More Unto the Rain and British News Channels

I’ve made it back to England in one piece – not even a in-suitcase breakage – and am remembering the art of removing Wellington boots. Should ‘Wellington’ be capitalised?

I’ve also been re-learning the TV news, which is different from BBC app news insofar as I can exit the app with a flick of my thumb but the scrolling news ribbon on TV keeps me captivated even if I’m so disgusted by the article I want to turn off.

Good move, PR people.

Apparently the big story here has been that David Cameron won’t pay the EU some money, which is interesting having just spent a month in a country which has possibly the best claim out of all of us to not give the EU any cash. It’s also been kind of a bummer coming back to ‘NO MORE IMMIGRANTS’ news stories. Mostly because every time an EU/immigration/foreign people story crops up in politics it gives the tabloid press half a leg to stand on… but also because it’s embarrassing that some British people moan and complain about immigration laws but quite happily a) enjoy EU travel benefits, b) don’t want the jobs that ‘the foreign people are taking when they come to the UK’ and c) love travelling to Europe, love the multiculturalism and fantasise about bringing cute locals home.

Maybe it’s old fashioned, but I feel awkward when people are hypocrites. Anyway, here’s a picture of Zakynthos to make everyone feel better about the rain. I accidentally published it as a post a minute ago… remind me to learn how to use a mobile phone.

Laganas Beach

It’s the post-tourist season beach at Laganas, which some of you may know from the popular BBC3 programme Sun, Sex and Suspicious Parents, due to its popularity with party-going students. I’ve never made it down in the summer (I do not go on holiday to experience England with sun; Laganas is a lot like my local high street including a McDonald’s) but in October it was almost eerily quiet.

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Possibly My Last Ever Post from a Unified UK! Or Not!

You guys, this could be my last ever post this side of the Union! The next time I write, one quarter of my nationality (ethnic background? Family history?) might be foreign. Which would take my total amount of Britishness down to… like, a quarter. I’m not actually sure. Independence could cause a bit of confusion in England for people like my dad and his siblings, most of whom I think were born in England, but all of whom have lived in Glasgow and are Scottish on my grandfather’s side. Does this mean they can get another passport? Will we all need to get our passports out when we cross the boarder for Hogmanay or the Edinburgh Fringe? I dunno, because Scotland would probably have to apply to the UN to be a sovereign state (and join the queue behind Kosovo and Somaliland I think) and also apply to join the EU (behind Iceland, Albania and Turkey to name but a few).

It’s a bit complicated, innit, and the SNP should have clarified this. In fact, they may have clarified it in the last week or so but I’ve become so fed up with the sudden wave of campaigning that I’ve stopped paying attention and am just waiting for the result. Is it just me, or was nobody in the mainstream media particularly interested until about three weeks ago?

I’ve discussed my opinions about independence in a relatively calm state of mind – now the vote is actually upon us, I’m resisting the urge to post “DON’T DOOO IIITTTTTT SCOTLAND WE NEEED EACH OTHER PLEEEAAASSSEEE JUST CHOOSE DEVOLUTION PLEEAAASSEEE!!!” everywhere online. That might not fit into a Tweet, now I come to think of it, so I might just go and work on The Webways and choose which tartan skirt I want to wear tomorrow, grinding my teeth about the inherent shittiness of all politicians and wondering if the rest of the UK will get a vote if Scotland remains in the Union but is granted more governmental powers.

Oh, and I’ve decided to update the sidebar. Cleaner, huh. I’ll get one I’m happy with in the end.

Don’t do it, Scotland…. please…

The Six O’Clock News: a Quick Lesson Borrowed from an Actual Lesson

As I hauled myself out of bed this morning the newsreader bloke mentioned that some higher-up in the EU had spoken out against the British government for spreading “myths” about immigration. I thought a few swearwords that are usually too foul for that time of day except I was late and did not need to hear about it before I had found my slippers (remind me to write a post about slippers). I thought “I better do something on Indifferent Ignorance on the EU because no one knows what in the [swearword] is [swearwording] up with it hey I forgot to draft the Six O’Clock News EU time!” and went to find some Oatabix.

Or something.

Fast forward to fourth period and my Politics lesson was about the history of the EU! So since it’s fresh in my memory and I need to be academic for the betterment of my brain and career prospects, here is a lesson on the EU with some vague relevance to today’s news.

Fun Facts With Frank

  • This thing’s been around almost as long as the papers that ridicule it. First known as the European Coal and Steel Community, it was established in 1951 as a method of rebuilding Europe, which looked something like this when the war ended. It was generally agreed that a good way to prevent another war would be to get bickering neighbours to share wheelie bins, by which I mean that West Germany, France, Belgium, Luxembourg, Italy and the Netherlands all signed over a bit of power (supranationalism, snowflakes) to the ECSC. With no political involvement, it was just a free market for coal and steel, so that war would be, to quote French foreign minister Mr Schumann, “materially impossible”. Basically if countries rely on one another for resources (interdependence), they are less likely to invade one another. Cool huh.
  • Like a decent band, the ECSC evolved over the next few years. NB: Britain hadn’t wanted to join because racism xenophobia miners didn’t want to relinquish control of their mines. In 1957 the organisation’s remit expanded, creating the European Economic Community and the Atomic Energy Community. Ten years later they did (made? Signed?) the Merger Treaty and called the whole lot the European Commission. Still with only six member states, there was growing reticence – word of the day, means ‘wary’ – about states giving up their power. Sound familiar? Good.
  • In 1973 Denmark, Ireland and the UK joined. Having not consulted the public about joining, a referendum was held in 1975 to see if people wanted the UK to remain in the EC. Sound familiar? Good.
  • 1979 saw the first elections for members of European Parliament, which had not previously occurred because who needs democracy an every governmental level. Interestingly, Spain and Portugal weren’t allowed in until the eighties because until then they had dictatorships…
  • Allowing more free and standardised trade, the Single European Act was passed in 1986, expanding the process of the easy peasy wheelie bin sharing with the neighbours. Germany unified in 1990 and in 1992 the Maastricht Treaty was signed, which further expanded the remit and lead to that shining example of excellent currency, the euro.  It also made the whole organisation more political and renamed it the European Union.
  • As of 2014 the EU is home to 500 million people (that’s more than in the entire USA, folks), 28 states and 24 official languages.

Here is a mildly inappropriate loop video of politicians dancing to help you digest that information.

Now, you will all hopefully be aware that lots and lots of people like to say “what in the name of Mr Johnson’s dancing does the EU do for us absolutely nothing those immigrants just want to take our jobs and cash and housing and they don’t even integrate let’s send them back where they came from who cares if they came here smuggled under a coach we don’t want them taking up our school places and giving the kiddies Eastern European ideas blah blah etc. etc.”

But ladies and gentlemen, Vivian Reding is totally right about political rhetoric! I’m not sure how right in terms of legal stuff because I’ve only done one lesson, but if you can’t see past the political hand-waving or tabloid crap pertaining to immigration then a) you need to learn how and b) you probably shouldn’t have read this far because I probably can’t change your mind. But have a wee look back at that list. The EU was formed in order to help Europeans prosper. Or at least not kill each other. The recent influx of Eastern European nations is due to the fact that for the majority of EU history they were part of the USSR, which wasn’t really pro-Western trade. In terms of GDP, EU is the richest area of the world, so the prosperity idea seems be if not succeeding then not failing. Plus the migration thing works both ways. Imagine you were to go on holiday to, say, Greece. You meet a nice guy and decide to stay and open a bar there. You could. Unless you were a convicted serial killer or something anyway. Remember those E111 cards you’d get on school trips to the trenches? They give you access to free or almost free healthcare in the EU, Lichtenstein, Switzerland, Iceland and Norway. So if you get sick from a dodgy cocktail in Marbella, you don’t have to pay through your vomit-filled nose to get your stomach pumped.

Fun.

Okay, that’s enough politics stuff for one day. Just do me a favour: when you are next watching the news and some white dude in a suit says something about the EU, think about this: three Members of the European Parliament are Nigel Farage the UKIP guy, Geoffrey Bloom the other UKIP guy who called women sluts and got thoroughly ridiculed by Victoria Coren on Have I Got News for You and Nick Griffin the  bankrupt BNP guy who is possibly even more racist than the UKIP guys. They have been elected because the majority of voters (and there aren’t too many to start with) hear the rhetoric or read the papers, believe the words and vote in someone who will cause a ruckus in Brussels. Which doesn’t accomplish anything except embarrassment.

Happy first week back! If I never blog again it’s because Sherlock broke me.