Reality TV and Smaug Being a Diva

I don’t know about you lot, but I am both nervous and excited for the Strictly Come Dancing results show tonight. Possibly because sparkly dancing and bright lights are the best things ever, and partly because if the final is next week then Christmas is the week after.

Less than two weeks. 

I need to do some more shopping… and maybe get a haircut, and definitely write the Indifferent Ignorance Awards and partially move house and also do some rigorous physical exercise because I went out and ate my weight in food yesterday.

I was so full when I got home that I couldn’t manage my advent chocolate, which is always a sign that I need to bust out some dance moves and the hula hoop. Still, the reason for the food was justified:

I didn’t go out to watch a YouTube video. But I did go see The Battle of Five Armies (“oh my goodness Francesca I can’t believe you made that connection!”) and it was brilliant so I might eschew everything else I have to do before Christmas and just go and read The Lord of the Rings, taking brief breaks to wonder if it’s possible for anyone else to create a fictional world that’s half as beautiful.

Let’s assume not.

Pancake Day! Or, Not.

You know those weeks when you think it’s Wednesday when it’s Tuesday and Thursday when it’s Wednesday and Monday was a fortnight ago?

Yep yep.

I also can’t remember what I wanted to talk about so let’s all talk about Pancake Day (which I thought was either yesterday or 30th March). Last year’s was my first unable to eat two thirds of the ingredients so I had a Lindt rabbit instead but I’ve found a recipe I want to try out which substitutes everything. Also found one for making your own version of Nutella, which is very tempting… I actually think I’m okay with normal Nutella.

I may make some anyway.

Right, favourite pancake toppings: discuss.

(I liked everything. Have individual flavours first then mix everything in one then for the final serving, presuming the mix hasn’t landed on the ceiling, choose your favourite and resolve to make pancakes more in the next year. Never do.)

Oh, and Scotch pancakes. Mmm. If I ever learn to cook in other ways than using a microwave, I might investigate all available types of pancake. Someone’s already done it with potatoes. Mmm, potatoes. Is there a designated potato day? Potatoes are the second-best food possibly ever and they deserve a day. Carbs and vegetables, people, simultaneously. The best food is the humble oat, because they can be manipulated to suit every meal of the day including dessert and they cost a tinny amount relative to their surface area and they cook faster than potatoes in a microwave.

I just read that back and it’s time to go to bed. I sort of want to stay up and think of puns about wild oats. Party oats.

Ruby drew some wild oats in English once. If you’re reading this please know that your face when we explained what the phrase means (as in, when Heathcliff was sewing ’em) is in my top ten senior school memories.

That said, so is the time someone in History thought Osama bin Laden was one of the Beatles.

Eggs+Flour+Milk = Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday)/Extreme Guilt Over Appetite.

  Hello, pancake people. Who hasn’t had pancakes today? I was on (in?) Zone 6 earlier and a girl said that she detests pancakes so wasn’t going to eat tonight. I had two earlier and they were pretty nice. I would have taken a photo, but they were kind of there for a limited time only and trust me, you do not want to see any photographs of my digestive system.

  Anyone here giving up anything for lent? I think Sarah’s giving up chocolate, I remember one year my mum must have given up caffeine because all she drank for ages was herbal tea from fancy cups. I thought of something AWESOME to give up last night, just as I was drifting off to sleep… But I’ve forgotten it. Having spent all day wondering, I have concluded it must be swearing unnecessarily. Because – and I totally blame My Chem for this – I suffer a 0.0001 on the pain scale and curse. Then I get angry at the pain and curse some more.

  Natalie suggested I give up My Chem themselves itself, but that will happen in a world where the public doesn’t get caught up in the lives of ‘famous’ people they’ve never met, like Charlie Sheen (who as far as I can tell spends his entire life on TV with his porn star girlfriends). I briefly challenged Ruby to give up the Internet – we’ve both agreed our lives are far more productive without it – but forty days with no blog, Twitter or BBC News would drive me mental. I’ve also considered giving up saying ‘like’ unnecessarily, but I suspect that’s not something that’ll go away, like, overnight.

  So I have decided to give up biscuits. I know, it’s not a fancy thing – but I can do it. I can’t, for example, control all the shit that comes out of my mouth on a daily basis. You all know that.

  If you don’t, I clearly haven’t made enough of an impact on you.

  Anyway. Starting tomorrow, forty days without biscuits of any kind. Not even the ones in Berlin. If I need a biscuit, I’ll eat a sausage instead. Germany has a lot of sausages, right? It isn’t as though I’m giving up meat or anything. I think my parents would cry if another of their children became a vegetarian.

  Goodbye, sugary goodness. I will see you on the 17th April.

   

  I’m going to have to watch Gerard talk about giving up alcohol on Life on the Murder Scene to feel better.

Introducing Agent S.

  I made her this afternoon after we got let out of school early because it started to snow. Honestly, this country has lost all its backbone since the war… But enough about the weather; meet Agent S., the newest Killjoy to grace my back garden and fight in a zone:

 

                                                           

                                                                   

  After I had frozen most appendages rolling snow, I made cakes with Danger Days playing, helping me keep beat as I battled with sugar. Apart from discovering the flour ran out in August, nothing too bad happened. Well, my plan for blood-red icing got foiled because the food colouring expired in May. And the sprinkles exploded onto the counter so I couldn’t use many of them. But nothing else.

                                                               

Sunday’s Achievement

  Yesterday I made cookies that turned out like this:

  I think it’s safe to say that putting biscuit mix into a greased fairy cake tin, with the idea that the biscuits will emerge from the oven perfectly round, is a bit dim.

  I’ve been doing a lot of dim things lately. The most recent of which was wearing contact lenses for so long my eyes went bloodshot (in my defence, my glasses were being repaired – an arm fell off again – and I had three exams that day and all of them made tears of despair well up). Second most dim thing was forgetting to ask Mum to stock up on paracetamol. In order to stop my brain registering cramps, I’ve been eating large amounts of ice cream and cookie cakes. Chocolate overdose…

  Don’t mention the lack of Geography coursework on my part.

  It’s not all bad though. For example, it’s the weekend in four days. Which means Lauren’s jewelery party, where I get to buy everyone cheap Christmas presents. I’m Lauren’s cousin, she gave me chicken pox, I’m owed a discount.  

  Oh, and I made a new background for my Twitter account, all by myself. Look!

  It is possible that in fact it was me that gave Lauren chicken pox. Thirteen years ago.