“If a tree falls in a forest and no one’s around to hear it does it make a sound?” I dunno, but it might crush some flowers.

It’s weird when you come home from school and find an upside-down tree in your back garden. Then you discover that the tree felling people who are massacring the neighbours’ hedges have extended their services to your neighbours’ garden, and somehow a conifer (flew? Teleported?) managed to get into your mum’s flower bed. What was more interesting, I thought, was that the six-foot man who came round to pick it up, shoulder it and march it back to its rightful place in the tree-shredder, was allergic to dogs. They make him come out in a rash, apparently.

Like this dude could make anyone come out in a rash:

He didn’t want to get off my bed, so I made it around him. I don’t think he was impressed, but he let me take his picture before buggering off to somewhere he wouldn’t be disturbed (downstairs).

I need help captioning that photo, so suggestions are welcome. The best one gets a nice Twitter mention, along with the caption when I post it. You have until tomorrow evening if you want to become (in)famous on my Twitter timeline.