HEY BABY I WROTE YOU A POEM; an Email by Ruby.

From: Ruby

To: Francesca

Subject: HEY BABY, I WROTE YOU A POEM

Date: Fri, 15 Apr 2011 18:27:29 +0100

O! Fair Frank, why has of late your fair correspondence not graced my humble inbox?

Will, perhaps, a sonnet written in your name suit to make the communication that was once abundant between us flow readily once more? Sincerely, I hope that this may be:

O! FRANK THOU ART BUT A STICK;

A STICK OF A ROSE

WITH THORNS ON

WHICH IF I PICKED IT UP WOULD HURT ME GREATLY

BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT (geddit?)

O! IF I WERE A PIGEON I WOULD ENDEAVOUR

TO NOT CRAP UPON YOUR HOUSE

INSTEAD AIMING FOR THAT OF MS AGAR’S

HOPING THAT MY FERTILE POO

WOULD GO ON TO GROW ANOTHER ROSE LIKE YOU

Forthwith I hope that the silence between us will blossom again with the coming of spring into the high brow conversations about matters of great importance which we used to share. And to that note I shall breeze onto the next subject:

My mother and I were In Westcliff earlier today when we happened upon a charity shop which had sprung up for a limited period of two weeks only. And we went in. Because we’re both somewhat partial to charity shops.

Well, against the back wall they had piles of sewing materials, and I went all ‘FLAGLAARGHRAFFFFthereyougotakemypurseitsmine’.

And I bought some fabric.

Plaid fabric.

Brightly coloured plaid fabric.

Yellow, purple and turquoise plaid fabric.

I don’t think I’m communicating its full monstrosity to you effectively. Here, have a picture to help:

There’s also quite a bit of it. Now, it said on the Post-it note attached to it that it was three and a half yards by 60 inches, but I’m not all that good at old measures and hence somewhat underestimated how big it would be and I’ll assume that you will have too, thus I think another picture is in order:

(and yeah, sorry about their quality. They both looked a lot better before I ran them through Paint. But you know, some times Paint’s all you feel up to)

SO. I now have a shitload of even-the-eighties-would-be-horrified-at-it fabric, and I’m not really sure what to do with it.

And that’s where you come in. Any ideas?

My mum said I should make a blazer and skirt and rock it out with a pair of DMs, but that’s pushing even my sense of fashion a bit too far. She later changed her mind and said she wanted to use it as a table-cloth (RETINA BURN WHILE YOU EAT).

Personally I was thinking along the lines of some kind of bag, but hey.

ALSO ALSO ALSO, it’s nearly chocolate easter egg time! (or, as I read somewhere, ‘spring spheres’)

  Well, you heard the girl. I suggested a Killjoy outfit, but I know a few of you do Textiles, so…?

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