The Six O’Clock News: Opinion Poll-ish

The news I was planning on doing doesn’t exist, unless Google’s eaten it (someone wrote to JK Rowling saying she wasn’t letting authors get published by publishing so many books?) so this was going to be a cop out until I remembered that slow news days happen in actual newsrooms too!

Do you guys remember when Harry was eavesdropping on the news in The Order of the Phoenix and there was an article about a waterskiing budgie?

Well, I want to know the most absurd news broadcast you’ve ever heard, discounting an April’s Fool. My current favourite is the author-yelling-at-Rowling one, if it’s real…but I also endorse anything that makes Have I Got News for You; the other week there was a mention of a cash machine placed about fifteen inches from the ground. Perfect for Richard Osman jokes, but it begs two questions:

  • Is something like that actually worth reporting on when there are things like human rights abuses occurring daily with relatively little media attention on them?
  • What, if you had the power, would you consider and broadcast as news?

The Six O’Clock News: Friday 13th By Hollie and Chloe

It’s Friday 13th, so I thought we should go for something spooky and/or spiritual and/or religious today…

Teen exorcists: Women who expel demons on stage

So there are some girls who are fuckin’ idiots.

Hi. This is Chloe. Chloe wants to explain you a thing. These so called “exorcists” truly and actually believe that Harry Potter is endorsing Satanism. WHAT. THE. HELL. (no pun intended. I hate puns.) They are preaching that these spells are very real and very dangerous. Okay seriously what. Even if they were, whats wrong with that? The amount of times I wish I could just “accio” something, or “alohamora” every time I forget my keys, or even “crucio” half the people I go to school with! Wouldn’t life be better if the magic of Harry Potter WAS real?! And that’s what it is. Magic. Not demon related voodoo, there’s no mention of sacrificing souls to Satan (except Voldemort, and we all know what happened to him!) and I’m pretty sure the only resemblance of the devil seen in the franchise was Dolores Umbridge. But hey. It doesn’t seem to be stopping these stupid muggles from trying to rain on our parade. They say that J.K .Rowling “used real pagan spells to inspire her work.” Okay no. Just no. Most of these spells are actually just Latin translations of what they do. and as far as I know, Latin has been okay with the Church for quite a few centuries. In fact, weren’t sermons, religious texts, engravings and even demon exorcisms writing in LATIN? so, if the language of the Harry Potter spells summons demons, the logic is OBVIOUSLY to use THE SAME LANGUAGE to get rid of them. right? RIGHT?! No. Just no.  I really hope Voldemort shows up during their live exorcism and crucio’s their sorry asses back to where they came from. England is the land of Harry Potter and we are damn proud of it. Go away. STAY away.

And now, the weather.

 

~ sun–and-stars.tumblr.com ( Chloe) ❤

Sir Patrick Stewart marries, Sir Ian McKellen officiates

Some people make great minsters. It helps if they’re thespians though.

hello friends my name is hollie & frank told me 2 write about that professor x got maried the other day & it was apparently wild. but idk b/c I wasn’t there but it looked pretty ok

so like he got married in a ball pit???? like idk that’s what twitter said and I guess that’s pretty rad b/c ok lets be honest who even gives a shit about proper marriages any more 4 reals

like yea it gotta be in da castle and erry1 gotta b cryin with the joys and tiny baby girls throwin around the flowerz and the singing happy jesus or w/e no man come in its the 21st century and we have jetpacks y’all don’t need to be fussin over da holy holies marriage. like patty stew is a rad guy so im pretty sure hell be in love and married 4evr but like most of da peeps gon get divorce like next week and every1 no it so its like pretty dumb and kind of awkward. it cost like £40973498 for castle marry & its like yo do u even realise how much ice cream u could have bought with that u wouldn’t nEED to get married. so yea good job dude fight against the convention u r the future we all should aspire to bALL PITS ARE THE FUTURE

also another thing is like they got married by Gandalf & if THAT AINT THE RADDEST LOVE SHOWiN then love is dead my brothas b/c u no what happened 2 gandal??? hE DIED & the n CAME BACK TO LIFE like wow that’s crazy so like getting maried by him is kinda like a good sign that U WILL NEVER DIE YOU ARE IMMORTAL CONGRATULATIONS

ngl who needs like certified priest dudes wen u have this like come on every1 lets abandon da church & go get our doges 2 marry us like can u even imagine that it would be like there would have 2 be a translator or w/e but it would 65% probably be worth it

but actually tbh I think marriage is the dumbest thing ever like why would u even but this is prety cool thing so yea good job star trek guy

 

kingshota.tumblr.com

~

…And on that note I will be writing about intelligent topics with correct grammar next week (you’re welcome for the last four years of excellent grammar, by the way.

Motley World Book Day Collection

World Book Day, guys. World Book Day! Having established that MCR biographies aren’t that great, let’s hear what the bigger authors have to say:

 

That narrator sounds a lot like Gok Wan… (This is unrelated but the title made me laugh a bit.)

 

Here is some excellent writing advice from Rick Riordan, and I would love to post an excellent poster I found a while ago but the Internet’s being stubborn and my head’s starting to ache. Time to curl up with a good book, methinks…