The Six O’Clock News: Friday 13th By Hollie and Chloe

It’s Friday 13th, so I thought we should go for something spooky and/or spiritual and/or religious today…

Teen exorcists: Women who expel demons on stage

So there are some girls who are fuckin’ idiots.

Hi. This is Chloe. Chloe wants to explain you a thing. These so called “exorcists” truly and actually believe that Harry Potter is endorsing Satanism. WHAT. THE. HELL. (no pun intended. I hate puns.) They are preaching that these spells are very real and very dangerous. Okay seriously what. Even if they were, whats wrong with that? The amount of times I wish I could just “accio” something, or “alohamora” every time I forget my keys, or even “crucio” half the people I go to school with! Wouldn’t life be better if the magic of Harry Potter WAS real?! And that’s what it is. Magic. Not demon related voodoo, there’s no mention of sacrificing souls to Satan (except Voldemort, and we all know what happened to him!) and I’m pretty sure the only resemblance of the devil seen in the franchise was Dolores Umbridge. But hey. It doesn’t seem to be stopping these stupid muggles from trying to rain on our parade. They say that J.K .Rowling “used real pagan spells to inspire her work.” Okay no. Just no. Most of these spells are actually just Latin translations of what they do. and as far as I know, Latin has been okay with the Church for quite a few centuries. In fact, weren’t sermons, religious texts, engravings and even demon exorcisms writing in LATIN? so, if the language of the Harry Potter spells summons demons, the logic is OBVIOUSLY to use THE SAME LANGUAGE to get rid of them. right? RIGHT?! No. Just no.  I really hope Voldemort shows up during their live exorcism and crucio’s their sorry asses back to where they came from. England is the land of Harry Potter and we are damn proud of it. Go away. STAY away.

And now, the weather.

 

~ sun–and-stars.tumblr.com ( Chloe) ❤

Sir Patrick Stewart marries, Sir Ian McKellen officiates

Some people make great minsters. It helps if they’re thespians though.

hello friends my name is hollie & frank told me 2 write about that professor x got maried the other day & it was apparently wild. but idk b/c I wasn’t there but it looked pretty ok

so like he got married in a ball pit???? like idk that’s what twitter said and I guess that’s pretty rad b/c ok lets be honest who even gives a shit about proper marriages any more 4 reals

like yea it gotta be in da castle and erry1 gotta b cryin with the joys and tiny baby girls throwin around the flowerz and the singing happy jesus or w/e no man come in its the 21st century and we have jetpacks y’all don’t need to be fussin over da holy holies marriage. like patty stew is a rad guy so im pretty sure hell be in love and married 4evr but like most of da peeps gon get divorce like next week and every1 no it so its like pretty dumb and kind of awkward. it cost like £40973498 for castle marry & its like yo do u even realise how much ice cream u could have bought with that u wouldn’t nEED to get married. so yea good job dude fight against the convention u r the future we all should aspire to bALL PITS ARE THE FUTURE

also another thing is like they got married by Gandalf & if THAT AINT THE RADDEST LOVE SHOWiN then love is dead my brothas b/c u no what happened 2 gandal??? hE DIED & the n CAME BACK TO LIFE like wow that’s crazy so like getting maried by him is kinda like a good sign that U WILL NEVER DIE YOU ARE IMMORTAL CONGRATULATIONS

ngl who needs like certified priest dudes wen u have this like come on every1 lets abandon da church & go get our doges 2 marry us like can u even imagine that it would be like there would have 2 be a translator or w/e but it would 65% probably be worth it

but actually tbh I think marriage is the dumbest thing ever like why would u even but this is prety cool thing so yea good job star trek guy

 

kingshota.tumblr.com

~

…And on that note I will be writing about intelligent topics with correct grammar next week (you’re welcome for the last four years of excellent grammar, by the way.

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…A Continuation

This week has been pretty weird, but the knowledge that the Conservative Party is weirder (more weird? I’m never sure) has made me feel slightly better. I mean, they’re tying themselves in knots because I can not only marry whoever I deem appropriate, but I can do so in the knowledge that I’ll be able to support my husband/wife because my qualifications might actually mean something.

Oh, who am I kidding, no one has a flipping clue how eighteen multiple choice tests and a sixteen-mark question will help us live harmonious, straight-marriage-undermining lives.

Matt, 'The Telegraph'
Matt, ‘The Telegraph’

By the way, has anyone who is straight-married had their union directly threatened or undermined since Tuesday evening? (I’m quite curious because I think it would be funny/sad if someone came out to their husband or wife and announced that they’re leaving them because they can truly start a family with the new person).

10 Stupid Yet Funny Ways to Propose Marriage.

  I was going to post something about sandwiches, but Isobel’s MSN-ing me and we’ve thought up stupider topics (well Google has and she’s passed them on). So:

10 Stupid Yet Funny Ways to Propose Marriage

  • Over the telephone. What if the line was dodgy and you mis-heard? What if your credit ran out before they answered? What if the call was hacked and broadcast live on the Internet, and they said no?
  • Over text. Personally, I’d think they were joking. But then, some of the most serious conversations of my life have been over text. They would have been easier face-to-face though. When you’re in Greece and she’s in England, it’s really hard to read facial expressions.
  • By email. They might mistake it for chain mail or spam! They might never get back to you!
  • Via MSN. My connection’s always faulty, if it were me I might not even get the message. Person might not be who you think it is, it might be their little brother or wife or someone from Canada.
  • One of those aeroplane banner whatsits. Bloody difficult to read when the sun gets in your eyes. I know love is blind, but that’s stretching it a bit… Plus random members of the public might think it was for them. RIOTS could start.
  • On the big screen at a sporting event. I think they do this in America a lot. Downside is everyone can see if you say no. If you say yes when you want to say no – but can’t because all of Madison Square Garden is watching, you’ll end up with either a sham marriage or a broken-off-at-the-last-minute engagement, and you’d have to return the dress.
  • Live on TV. Hilary’s boyfriend did this on The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, I think. He proposed while on some local show she was watching, while bungee jumping from a plane. He didn’t land very well. In fact, he died.
  • In front of his/her entire family. Who have just been bitching about how you’re the rebound relationship from the guy who left her for a trapeze artist.
  • In the middle of a gunfight/the centre of a restaurant okay sorry. In the middle of a gunfight, air raid, terrorist attack, drugs bust, gas explosion, car crash or any other situation where you’re only asking because you think you’re both going to die soon. When you both live you’ll realise you’ve never even seen her before in your life, you mistook her for the girl who lives on the corner of your nan’s street.
  • Straight after she says “I’m pregnant.” Let’s face it, the kid would rather grow up in a stable single-parent household than one with two parents who resent one another and their child because the aftermath of that drinking game led to a moment of chivalry and a lifetime of affairs.

  While writing this I realised that today is my parents’ seventeenth wedding anniversary. Oddly, I do not know how they got engaged.

***EDIT 31/01/11***

  I was reading the comments and remembered the most stupid way to propose:

  Halfway up a chairlift/ski lift/normal lift, or on a long journey. If the person says no, you are in for one awkward ride.