The Ten O’Clock News: Not USA-Independence Day!

The government’s gone and bought itself a massive effing boat, the unveiling of which is a massive effing attempt to convince the Scottish people to vote Union. Personally, I would then vote ‘no’ because will the Scottish government have a warship capable of carrying “40 jets and helicopters”? No. Because the Scottish government will not be able to afford a paper bag after independence, having spent everything on large tariffs and taxes it currently avoids as a member of the UK and EU. Or pro-independence celebrations. Or new flags. Or new currency. Or a new national broadcasting service.

This old-ish Guardian article explains the referendum pretty well and suggests that Scotland would, in fact keep the pound and the monarchy. But since when has a newly independent country kept the nice bits about its old state and just gained power? The last countries to join the UN as sovereign states were South Sudan in 2011 (result of civil war in Sudan. Now there is just inter-state war), Montenegro in 2006 (ex-Yugoslavia, ’nuff said) and Timor-Leste in 2002 (ex-Indonesia, massive guerilla war for ages). It’s pretty rare for peaceful states to suddenly declare independence, because usually a region wants sovereignty due to ethnic or religious differences with their neighbours. So, does Scotland have significant ethnic or religious differences from the rest of the UK?

Not really, no.

The UK is traditionally Christian, though secularism is increasing pretty much everywhere; most British people have family from elsewhere in the UK because we’re a small group of islands (most people aren’t hugely British going back a few generations but that’s a rant for another time). As far as I can tell, the biggest “national differences” are accent, traditional choice of alcohol and “national treasures”. Even then it’s dubious because let’s face it everyone loves Shakespeare and Robbie Burns and Lily Allen and Alexander Graham Bell. Okay I’m being facetious and I’ve done absolutely no statistical research for this whole paragraph… but it sounds like the SNP seriously expect to gain independence, keep all the things it likes about Britain, remove all those it doesn’t and magically fix all its problems.

From sensualeodicaprio.tumblr.com
From sensualeodicaprio.tumblr.com

I think that is a good place to end.

The Ten O’Clock News: a Debate About Scottish Independence

Had a few issues with my laptop earlier so instead of being the link-and-image-filled collage I’d planned, this is going to be a nice discussion post!

Tomorrow is Burns Night  and since it is potentially the last one with Burns as a Brit, I think we should talk about the referendum. Ask the Important Political Questions about Scottish independence. The questions that matter.

Should Scotland keep the BBC if it becomes independent?

Clue’s in the name, love. No Britain, no Sherlock or Strictly or ad-free TV. Get yer own broadcasting service and buy it in like they do in the States.

Should Scotland keep the pound if it becomes independent?

The pound is British currency. (I sense a theme.)

Should Scottish people keep their knighthoods and government-or nation-based awards if it becomes independent?

Hmm. I think foreign nationals can become honorary peers of the realm or something, so it should be like that. I mean, “ex Sir Whatever” sounds a bit crap.

Will each nation be able to extradite or deport shitty residents?

For example, if Andy Murray loses badly.

Will all the cool, shared things become contested and start conflict? 

Conan Doyle was Scottish. Holmes and Watson are not. Everyone likes whiskey. Everyone likes David Tennant. Alex Ferguson ran Manchester United. We all use telephones.

Will those “cute British accents” become more ‘British’ or ‘Scottish’? 

Wait a second. Cute British accents. Tea with the Queen. The Loch Ness Monster. Union flags with punk rock slogans. Tartan. A mutual distrust of everything that may attack this tinny island with rapidly-waning international power. You guys, all the things that endear us to the world are generally British. They are specifically Scottish or Welsh or English or whatever but to the schmucks we sell t-shirts to on bus tours, we’re all British. All of us. Aww.

Will Scotland place higher or lower than the UK in Eurovision?

Now that is worth a referendum.

(It is probably worth noting in the interest of general politics that a) the best economical and military and scientific successes to happen to all four British states have happened while they were British, b) the last time a sovereign nation came into being without conflict and hatred as a cause was probably never so why bother we’ve stayed together this long, babe, we love each other really – let’s just get counselling and a fresh start and c) not one of the pro-independence politicians has demonstrated an ability to found a nation, or even a nation that already exists.)

Plus also I don’t want my ethnicity and nationality to be any shittier to categorise on forms. Anyway, thoughts?

May the Fourth Be With You, Etc.

Joke overheard while I was getting books out of my locker this lunchtime: “Prince Harry has been reported missing after going to a costume party in Pakistan.”

Heh heh.

While we’re on the subject, how stupid/genius have the people at Fox News been lately? First Glenn Beck, now this:

To slightly quote Nick Frost on Twitter, why is Osama’s picture on the news one of him looking like a misunderstood angel? Seriously. They could at least have the Towers falling in the background or something…

Anyway, who’s excited about the referendum? No, me neither. Whatever the voting system in this country, we will still end up with an arsehole in a suit and lots of broken promises, I’m not fussed on how he gets there. If you are interested, however:

In other news, My Chem have been nominated for nine billion Kerrang! awards, I live in Zone 33 and it’s Star Wars Day! May the fourth be with you! This used to come up amongst random pictures of the girls and I when you Google Image ‘Indifferent Ignorance’, I’ve been wanting to use it for ages.

This is a new one, but it seems rather appropriate in the circumstances:

***EDIT***

I knew I forgot something! Thank you to Mike Pedicone for putting this on Twitter. The flag gets in the way, what’s God trying to tell you?