Before You Watch This Slide Show, Turn Off Your Computer Sound (there’s a bit of a contrast in subject matter)

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That there was a nice little snippet of the Berlin trip a fortnight ago. I would have posted it earlier, but I kind of forgot to make the slide show. If you left the sound on, what did you think of the score? I didn’t realise it was on there… Oops. Sorry about the distinct lack of order, by the way, the whole programme was a bit fiddley.

Still, I have Photoshop now. On my shiny, new, so expensive-no-one-can-touch-it-but-me laptop. It’s got Internet Explorer 9. And fancy buttons I can’t work out. As usual.

Oh yeah, you just saw photographs of a concentration camp, a gas chamber, the remains of the Berlin Wall, some idiotic teenage girls who decided to try surfing on the join between two train carriages, the 1936 Olympic Stadium, the Brandenburg Gate, and some Soviet Union propaganda. Oh, and some Jewish kitchen art.

Look what I took a photo of in town today:

It turns out ‘franked mail’ or ‘franking’ are authorised forms of marking that qualify mail to be posted. Or something.

Should I make it the blog background or header?!

Happy Wednesday.

  Apologies for the distinct lack of funny/Germany-related blogs, but I have had a pretty intense weekend and am still catching up on my beauty sleep. As you can tell, I need a lot of it:

 

  My camara ran out of juice a couple of times on the trip, so I need to raid some people’s Facebook pages and (this is a hint, guys) get some photos from my friends. You know what my email is. Once I’ve got enough stuff together I’ll work on a slide show or something – the only problem with this blog’s layout is the lack of space for photos. Either they’re too small to see or go in columns.

  Anyway, as we got to Berlin via aeroplane, have a looksie at some complaints made to Thomas Cook about holidays last season…

  • “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”
  • “It’s lazy of the local shop keepers to close in the afternoons. I often need to buy things during the siesta times – this should be banned.”
  • “On my holiday to Goa, India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food at all.”
  • “We booked an excursion to a water park, but no one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels,”
  • “The beach was too sandy.”
  • “We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white.”
  • “Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women.”
  • “We bought Ray Ban sunglasses for five euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake.”
  • “No one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled.”
  • “There was no egg slicer in the apartment.”
  • “We went on holiday to Spain, and had a problem with the taxi drivers, as they were all Spanish…”
  • “The roads were uneven.”
  • “It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England, but it only took the Americans three hours to fly home.”
  • “I compared the size of our one bedroom apartment to our friends’ three-bedroom apartment, and ours was significantly smaller.”
  • “The brochure stated ‘no hairdressers at the accommodation.’ We’re trainee hairdressers, will we be okay staying there?”
  • “There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish, the food is Spanish, too many foreigners.”
  • “We had to queue outside with no air conditioning.”
  • “It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”
  • “I was bitten by a mosquito. No one said they could bite.”
  • “My fiancée and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”
  • A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel ‘inadequate’.
  • A woman threatened to call the police after claiming that she had been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the ‘do not disturb’ sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.
  • A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping gravy at the time.

I have a few of my own to add:

  • Zakynthos, Greece: “The portions are too big. I am on a diet.”
  • Zakynthos: “The eggs are too strong.”

I Need… AA?!

  Do you ever get that feeling where you’re right on the edge of something brilliant, but you’re too lazy to think of it?

  Part of me reckons I’ve got a touch of artistitis after a slight cold which I’ve given most people in the immediate vicinity, but there’s no diagnosis for the dreaded AA. So I need Mindless songs and someone to bounce ideas off. Good thing that next week I’m in Scarborough with school, learning about erosion, discordant coastlines and Flamborough, amongst Yorkshirians. Yorkists.

  Northerners.

  Actually, I’ve been listening to Green Day on YouTube while brainstorming blog ideas and banging out my BRAND NEW AWESOME Morningwood CD, Diamonds & Studs, and it’s given me a kick up the backside to play guitar again. Or at least invest in stickers.

  I think I’ll go and read bad, bad fan fiction on DeviantART now, but I’m learning about the automatic-update thing on here so there may be an amusing post up sometime next week, to amuse you all while I’m away wrestling Ruby off a cliff ledge.

  Wish me luck… I get the feeling she’s stronger than she looks.

WWI: Started 1914, Finished 1945

  Gotta love the Europeans. For a country that only contains 731,000,000 people, we sure are good at fucking up the rest of the planet. Which is apparently marginally less than sixty billion people.   Here is some evidence of this:   Can you guess where we went yet? No? Here’s some more clues.    

  I came more close to crying on that two-day trip than I have in the last year at anything (including when Bob left My Chem). I only have to explain to a retard why. Ever been in a graveyard? Ever been in one full of the remains of twenty-five thousand men thrown in a mass grave? Seen a memorial? How about one to fifty-five thousand soldiers with no known grave? 

  Bummer. In case you are retarded, it was a school trip to Belgium (though we slept in Lille without realising and the Somme is French)… 

  I said I’d name drop, so here are some photos of Pugsley and I thoroughly enjoying ourselves, along with the rest of the Most Disliked, Loud Group to Sit On the Coach:

 

  

   

  More photos coming soon if Ruby emails me them and I get Pugsley to show me how my phone works. 

  Happy belated St George’s Day.