Start the Week As You Intend to Continue: By Doing My Bidding!

Happy Sunday everyone!

It’s a little known fact that Sunday is the first day of the week. I learnt this in RS; Saturday is Jewish Sabbath and the final day of the week, and the early Christians moved their day of worship to Sunday because Jesus was resurrected on a Sunday, and Jews didn’t like them preaching in their synagogues so kicked them out on Saturdays. But somewhere along the line we got the ‘weekend’ and all that was lost except to people who frequent synagogues or churches.

Anyway, my point is that, since today is the beginning of a new week, we should start it well by doing something good. Which, in my case (and yours, if you’d be so kind) is by voting for MCR in this year’s European Music Awards. They’re being held in Belfast in November, and in the mean time we’re all being encouraged to vote for our favourite artist.

 

Yeah, because My Chem can actually do laundry. We’ve seen Life on the Murder Scene. We know it’s all about the Febreze.

The whole thing’s got the MCRmy quite excited, I must say. There was a competition to design banners to encourage people to vote, a question devoted to it on this week’s #MCRChat and the Hilarious MCR Internet Memes MCRmy.com thread got a bit hyper.

My contribution to the competition (I love Photoshop, hours of time-wasting and you don’t even need to use the Internet):

“While helping the downtrodden Mikey do his laundry in silence, I suddenly realized that I had fallen in love with him the same way my raven black locks fall gently over my my perfect ivory skin… The laundry symbolized our love and I hoped he would realize that too…”

Outerspacepink came up with that after someone pointed out that everyone’s going to spawn fan fiction out of, er, doing laundry. It could work.

It won’t work.

Frank’s Immigration Test (a way to keep out the riff-raff)

  We did this in Maths today, my last lesson of 2010. I’m putting it on here with correct answers so you can do better than 13/22, which is what my friend and I got. My theory is that if we gave it to every adult looking to immigrate to England, and they scored less than 12, they should be politely told to go home. That way, more people living in the UK would be intelligent.

The Intelligence Test

  1.  Write your name in the box provided. Your name.
  2. How many animals of each type did Moses take into the Ark? None.
  3. Some months have 31 days, some have 30 days. How many have 28 days? Twelve.
  4. Divide 30 by ½ and add 10. What is the answer? 70.
  5. Which country has a 4th July? USA, UK or France? All of them do.
  6. If you were in a deserted house at night, and there was an oil lamp, firewood and a candle, but you only had one match, which would you light first? The match.
  7. Why can’t a man in York be buried in the Isle of Man? He’s not dead yet.
  8. If you had two coins totaling 11p, and one of them was not a 10p coin, what would the coins be? 1p, 10p.
  9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 die. How many sheep does the farmer have left? Nine.
  10. How much soil is there, to the nearest cubic mm, in a 2x5x4.5mm hole? 0mm.
  11. If 2 monkeys sit in one corner of a square and look at another pair in another corner, and so on, until every pair in every corner looks at another pair, how many monkeys would say that they can see 6 other monkeys? None.
  12. How many times can you subtract 5 from 25? Once.
  13. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the tallest mountain in the world? Mount Everest.
  14. What’s more powerful than God, the rich don’t want it, the poor have a lot of it and if you eat it, you will die? Nothing.
  15. Johnny’s mother had three children. The first child was named April, the second child named May. What was the third child’s name? Johnny.
  16. What word in the English language is always spelled incorrectly? Incorrectly.
  17. A man is driving a car without the lights on, the street lamps are off and there is no moon. A black cat runs out in front of him. How can he see to brake and avoid it? It’s daytime.
  18. It takes 3 minutes to boil 1 egg. How long does it take to boil 3 eggs? Three minutes.
  19. Is it legal for a man to marry his widow’s sister? He’s dead.
  20. A man rides into town on Sunday. Three days later, he leaves on Sunday. How? Sunday is a horse.
  21. Take 2 apples from 3 apples. What do you have? Three apples.
  22. If you hop out of your flop, to drop by the shop for a mop, and to top it off, your pop is a cop, what should you do if you come to a green light? Keep going.

  A question for bonus points, which I would like you to comment with and answer: if you are no longer in a relationship with somebody, are you broken up even if you weren’t dating them? This isn’t a trick, I need to know so Ruby can stop telling me she won our fight earlier.

  Also can we give this to adults already living in the UK? If they score less than 12, they can work in McDonald’s while they get twelve GCSEs (or an apprenticeship), which I believe is what the government want us to leave school with.

  

This Is Probably the Only Blog Post You’ll Ever Read Linking My Chemical Romance and the 1947 Polish Elections

  It’s become something of tradition, I think, to blog around this week every year. Not because I lost someone on 9/11. I was only five years and three hundred and sixty-four days old when it happened, after all… Most people my age probably can’t even remember it. I know a girl at my school who thinks Osama Bin Laden is a member of the Beatles.

Osama bin Laden cartoon

Not because it’s Mikey Way’s thirtieth birthday today either.

  Or that it’s nearly nine years since a depressed twenty-something artist on his way to work saw the aforementioned disaster and formed a brilliant rock band with his aforementioned brother.

  But because, despite all the odds, I have survived another year. Amazing, innit? I haven’t been run over by a bus, set myself on fire during a Chemistry IAA, contracted cancer, crashed a car, slit one vein too many, been assassinated or fallen over attempting a roundhouse kick, cracking my head open on the dojo floor.

  I’m prepared to bet a few of you have considered killing me, setting me on fire or chucking me on the dojo floor. Thank you for refraining. You know that theory Charles Darwin came up with, the survival of the fittest? That if you’re unable to hunt or climb trees or run really fast from whatever’s trying to eat you, you’ll get cast out of the pack and eaten.

  I kind of cheated with the ‘survival’ part of the saying. It’s not my fault, okay? I didn’t ask to get born eleven weeks early. It just happened. I didn’t ask for Rochford and Southend hospitals to stick pipes in my side and kick-start my respiratory system either, but I’m grateful to whoever signed the pipe-insertion contract.

  Every year I reflect on the shithole that is September 11th and the excellence of My Chem, and wonder how something so good could be born out of something so bad. If 9/11 hadn’t happened, would MCR be doing what they do? I like to think that terrorist attacks notwithstanding, yeah.

  Let’s face it, Gerard wouldn’t have done art for the Cartoon Network forever, Ray was going to pick up the guitar again at some point, Mikey had to get over his stage fright one way or another and Frank… Well, Frank is one of those insane blokes who sort of manages to kill demon sharks wherever the van takes him.

       

  Same with Darwin’s theory of evolution. If I’d been born circa 1950, I’d be in a shoebox sized grave right now next to my mum, and Maxim would be an unexistent annoying little brother. But I was born in the nineties, dude, and there’s no point having a pretty comfortable privileged life and not doing anything but surfing Twitter. So regardless of my serious hatred of birthday celebrations and all the grief that accompanies it, I’m rather looking forward to Sunday.

  It ain’t over till the fat lady sings, according to the proverb. Well, it ain’t over till I say it’s over, so anyone still going on about medical science not being a good idea can go the same way as the homophobes and Qur’an burners. Down the fucking drain.

  When the USSR rigged the Polish vote in 1947 to ensure it became communist, Stalin wasn’t worried about cheating. He was worried that Germany might kill more Russians if there was another war, and he wanted Poland to protect them. I don’t like Labour, but Moustache Dictator Guy Two had the right idea.

24°C, 50% Humidity, 5MPH wind, Summer?

  I like blogging on a Sunday. Maybe it’s because Sunday is a good day to look back as well as forward, and become very zen. Or maybe it’s because I’m looking for an excuse not to do my homework.

  I’d like to tell you all that I’ve got an Exiting New Project in the pipeline, or that I’m recording an album or writing a book, but that would be lying. Yesterday I went to the beach with a bunch of kids from school and today I accompanied my family to Maxim’s boxing show/convention/almost competition. It was slightly amusing watching Maxim in the ring, although I will admit I sucked in my breath when a dude at least two years older and three inches taller than Max bashed him in the nose.

  Hey, I have to be a big sister sometimes.

  If anyone in the Kent/London area finds a yellow beach ball with a smiley face bobbing along the Thames, give me a bell and I’ll tell you where to return it. We, ahem, lost it at the beach, approximately five minutes after I forked out four quid for it. Then again, it was me who misjudged the wind’s power and chucked in the wrong direction in the first place…

  Oh, and tell off any jellyfish you find floating around. Apparently their stings hurt as much as the broken glass and syringe needles on the Thames floor. However, you haven’t experienced Essex until you’ve swallowed part of the Estuary and scratched your feet on the sea floor. Or had a mud fight using said sea floor as ammunition.

 My prediction for the England versus Germany game is that we will lose. The karma from the wars has to come back sometime. Or would that be us one upping the Nazis?