Out With the Old and In With the… Old, Mostly

I’m having one of those days where I can’t tell if I’ve got a cold or if I’m just very tired, but the election coverage is making it way too easy for me to veg out in front of the TV so I’m writing this as a bridge into paid work. (Now I think about it, that’s Indifferent Ignorance in a nutshell).

I won’t talk politics here today because everything is happening rather quicker than expected – Farage resigned in the time it took me to walk the dogs – someone should have told him it was that easy months ago – and Miliband went while I was taking a break from the coverage… on Netflix.

Wish they could all bugger off, eh. At least the bloody campaigning’s over… until the referendum on the EU or whatever’s next.

What’s next for 24-hour news coverage? There’s got to be something internationally significant between now and the US election.

Wait a minute.

Conchita from somewhere on Tumblr
Conchita from somewhere on Tumblr

Oh god there’s another election before the end of May. And this one enjoys strong links to Vladimir Putin. And there’s gonna be a green room for the winner instead of a podium in a Central London street.

I bet more people vote in that than did yesterday.

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The Six O’Clock News: Children In Need, Charities and Cynicism

I mentioned last week that people can donate to the Syrian refugee crisis appeal via the United Nations, and in light of the Philippines’ typhoon and Children In Need’s imminent broadcast I thought I’d talk about giving cash to worthy causes.

Medicins Sans Frontiers is currently fundraising to support their work in South Sudan, the Central African Republic, Syria, the Philippines, Haiti, Mexico, Nepal, Greece and the USA. I picked those names out of a list; you can see the map of their locations here. The World Food Programme, an extension of the UN, is present in Iraq, Sierra Leone, Egypt, North Korea, Ecuador and the Republic of Congo. Their list is here. Comic Relief has projects going in Guatama, the UK, Mozambique, India, Columbia and Bangladesh. This is their list.

I’ve name-dropped twenty countries and, shocker, they aren’t all in Africa. Some aren’t even poor. Most need help because of corrupt governments, war, shitty geographical locations or a mix of the three. (By shitty I mean “in the way of bad weather”, for the record. If it weren’t for the resemblance to a war zone, the Philippines would look very nice for a bit of winter sun.)

So how does one choose a worthy cause? By going on an aid-giving website and picking a location randomly? By picking a cause (sex trafficking, slavery, refugees, queer rights, women’s education, famine, etc.) and donating to a specific charity? By donating to a ‘general’ cause like Children In Need and letting them do the allocation? What about causes closer to home – cancer research, Jeans for Genes, the poppy appeal, local homeless shelters…?

I saw Daniel Radcliffe on The One Show the other day (nice hair, Oprah) and he said that he had to choose the causes that meant the most to him personally. JK Rowling’s charity helps out children who live in institutions, which has a passing resemblance to a certain bad guy in a certain book series she wrote. If I had to choose three charities to support I’d probably go for APEC, which supports families and sufferers of pre-eclampsia, because it’s quite literally close to my heart (yes you can make a pun out of critical illness), something that provides education to children like Camfed and something that strives to improve human rights, like AllOut or Amnesty International. But what if there was a part of the charity that I didn’t like? I’m hesitant about giving to Greenpeace, however much I love the planet, because they’ve got a habit of working against, not with, some institutions. They’re anti-GM, for example, when there are regions full or starving people for whom GM crops would help quite a bit. Humans aren’t going to stop using stuff we’ve made, like nuclear power, so we’re going to have to use our science to make sure that we’re looking after nature without compromising human rights or lifestyles that people arguably should not have to give up.

I’m going off-topic. Children In Need is on tonight and I’ll almost definitely raid my spare-change pot, but if I’m out tomorrow and see a homeless person I probably won’t give them the change in my pocket, because I have no way of knowing whether or not they’re legitimate. Then I’ll feel guilty. Should I? Should I march on the government to get them to prevent people from becoming homeless in the first place? Whose problem is poor people anyway?

I don’t even know any more. Pudsey awaits.

If This Pings Your Inbox As You Watch, It’s Way Past Your Bedtime.

  A chain email that is so excellent it should be published officially. By me, of course.

WORLD SURVEY BY PHONE 

Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN.

The only question asked was: “Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?”

The survey was a huge failure because of the following:


1. In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant.
2. In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant

3. In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant.

4. In China they didn’t know what “opinion” meant.

5. In the Middle East they didn’t know what “solution” meant.

6. In South America they didn’t know what “please” meant.

7. In the USA they didn’t know what “the rest of the world” meant.

8. In  UK they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

  I know for a fact that number eight is true. Anyone out there from any other places, please let me know how accurate this is!

Introducing Agent S.

  I made her this afternoon after we got let out of school early because it started to snow. Honestly, this country has lost all its backbone since the war… But enough about the weather; meet Agent S., the newest Killjoy to grace my back garden and fight in a zone:

 

                                                           

                                                                   

  After I had frozen most appendages rolling snow, I made cakes with Danger Days playing, helping me keep beat as I battled with sugar. Apart from discovering the flour ran out in August, nothing too bad happened. Well, my plan for blood-red icing got foiled because the food colouring expired in May. And the sprinkles exploded onto the counter so I couldn’t use many of them. But nothing else.

                                                               

Ruby’s Social Experiment to Go to Sleep, or, How to Become a Raving Lesbian in Six Steps

  Scene: Victoria  Sea View Hotel, Scarborough, Yorkshire

  Step 1) When a person knocks on the door, turn out light and pretend to be asleep before the door opens (there is no lock).

  Step 2) Sarah walks in and asks for her iPod back.

  Step 3) Within a second, two or three preps whose names are unknown (because they all look the same) appear at door and say, “Are you asleep already?” Then, “Oh, I thought you were naked in bed with each other and that’s why the lights were off.”

  Step 4) Stare dumbfounded at silhouetted preps until they go next door.

  Step 5) Sarah retrieves her iPod, complains about Melody’s Family Guy addiction and Tobi’s insistence on showing everyone her cleavage and leaves.

  Step 6) Five minutes later, there is a knock at the door. “We’re not naked,” Ruby assures the visitor, but regardless of the switched-on light, no one enters.

  Please note that only steps one and two were planned.

 

 

 

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