10 Years, 10 Days: Well Let’s Go Back to the Middle of the Day that Starts It All

Everyone knows the story of how My Chem formed. We can’t not, with every article alluding to ‘the Jersey rockers’ East Coast beginnings, when vocalist Gerard Way formed the band after witnessing the Twin Towers fall at 9/11′. So most people call today the unofficial birthday of the band, although they say everything really started to come together around October.

In the last couple of weeks, my forays onto the BBC website to avoid doing homework have become increasingly 9/11 centric. There have been stories of survivors, of those who were living in New York at the time, articles on how the word’s changed since. Now I know I’m biased – and there’s not a single person who was directly affected by the attacks that I don’t have huge respect for – but I can’t help but feel that the BBC’s missed out on a huge opportunity. My Chem are the most direct, most positive reaction to 9/11 out there. Hands down.

Today is in no way a celebration, no matter how brilliant MCR has turned out to be, and anyone treating it as such should turn on the news. However, it does mean we can respect the band so much more because of the history. It was born out of a day that spawned conflict, unnecessary racism, misguided hatred and countless avoidable deaths. The band itself has created nothing but positive energy (the odd suicide cult accusation and cursed drummer position aside). Saying that, I do like to think that My Chem is one of those things that, regardless of the state of the rest of the world, had to happen – so if 9/11 hadn’t, Gerard still would have had an epiphany moment and called his friends about forming a band and doing something worthwhile. Sadly, we don’t have access to a TARDIS so will never know what could have been; all can do is pay our respects to the victims and thank MCR for existing.

I realise that people deal with trauma in different ways, and I’m not going to start knocking the people who haven’t been able to walk into tall buildings or onto planes in a decade. But when I think of how much good has come from Gerard thinking “Fuck art” that day, I can’t help but wonder what the world would be like if everyone had had his reaction. If they had, we wouldn’t need to be fighting a ‘war on terror’, because it would have already been won. Around 3,000 people died that day, right? Well, at least 3,000 people have had their lives touched by My Chem (it’s probably more like three billion people in total when you look at record sales). At least 3,000 people have come out of a show feeling happier, or made friends through the MCRmy, or used the music to find strength within themselves that has led them to do awesome things.

That sounds like a pretty big “Fuck you, Bin Laden,” to me.

Frank’s Immigration Test (a way to keep out the riff-raff)

  We did this in Maths today, my last lesson of 2010. I’m putting it on here with correct answers so you can do better than 13/22, which is what my friend and I got. My theory is that if we gave it to every adult looking to immigrate to England, and they scored less than 12, they should be politely told to go home. That way, more people living in the UK would be intelligent.

The Intelligence Test

  1.  Write your name in the box provided. Your name.
  2. How many animals of each type did Moses take into the Ark? None.
  3. Some months have 31 days, some have 30 days. How many have 28 days? Twelve.
  4. Divide 30 by ½ and add 10. What is the answer? 70.
  5. Which country has a 4th July? USA, UK or France? All of them do.
  6. If you were in a deserted house at night, and there was an oil lamp, firewood and a candle, but you only had one match, which would you light first? The match.
  7. Why can’t a man in York be buried in the Isle of Man? He’s not dead yet.
  8. If you had two coins totaling 11p, and one of them was not a 10p coin, what would the coins be? 1p, 10p.
  9. A farmer has 17 sheep. All but 9 die. How many sheep does the farmer have left? Nine.
  10. How much soil is there, to the nearest cubic mm, in a 2x5x4.5mm hole? 0mm.
  11. If 2 monkeys sit in one corner of a square and look at another pair in another corner, and so on, until every pair in every corner looks at another pair, how many monkeys would say that they can see 6 other monkeys? None.
  12. How many times can you subtract 5 from 25? Once.
  13. Before Mount Everest was discovered, what was the tallest mountain in the world? Mount Everest.
  14. What’s more powerful than God, the rich don’t want it, the poor have a lot of it and if you eat it, you will die? Nothing.
  15. Johnny’s mother had three children. The first child was named April, the second child named May. What was the third child’s name? Johnny.
  16. What word in the English language is always spelled incorrectly? Incorrectly.
  17. A man is driving a car without the lights on, the street lamps are off and there is no moon. A black cat runs out in front of him. How can he see to brake and avoid it? It’s daytime.
  18. It takes 3 minutes to boil 1 egg. How long does it take to boil 3 eggs? Three minutes.
  19. Is it legal for a man to marry his widow’s sister? He’s dead.
  20. A man rides into town on Sunday. Three days later, he leaves on Sunday. How? Sunday is a horse.
  21. Take 2 apples from 3 apples. What do you have? Three apples.
  22. If you hop out of your flop, to drop by the shop for a mop, and to top it off, your pop is a cop, what should you do if you come to a green light? Keep going.

  A question for bonus points, which I would like you to comment with and answer: if you are no longer in a relationship with somebody, are you broken up even if you weren’t dating them? This isn’t a trick, I need to know so Ruby can stop telling me she won our fight earlier.

  Also can we give this to adults already living in the UK? If they score less than 12, they can work in McDonald’s while they get twelve GCSEs (or an apprenticeship), which I believe is what the government want us to leave school with.